• Maybe

    by  • July 11, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 2 Comments

    I’m going to need to give this up. You pop into my thoughts unbidden thousands of times a day. You creep into my dreams and I wake up smiling groggy with what may have been. But never was. I replay conversations and giggle at inside jokes. I reread my messages taking it in and making sure not to breach the invisible barrier that has to be
    Maintained.
    We talk about another world and what that world would be and it’s fun and it’s sweet, and so are you but it’s haunting me.
    To many what would have beens.
    I don’t really doubt that we would have been.
    We would be great.
    But we’re happy.
    I’m happy.
    You’re happy. It’s bizarre to me that this unreality can so invade what is that I can not cease to wonder what if maybe…maybe if literally everything, was different.
    But then…do I really want it to be different?
    I need to stop thinking. It’s not productive. It’s totally unfair, to everyone.

    2 Responses to Maybe

    1. your concience
      July 11, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      Permanent decisions for temporary problems never pays off. You are just now noticing.

    2. @Author
      July 13, 2014 at 1:16 pm

      I really understand these feelings. I love reading letters on here which echo my own feelings so closely … Makes me feel like I’m not alone or so unusual. Thanks for posting, Tracy x

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