• Far away

    by  • July 9, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Letting Go • 2 Comments

    There are so many things between you and I. 5500 miles of people and houses, rivers and roads, fire and water, art, kites, bears, trees, boats and birds, right in between us. Still, I wonder what the morning light looks like washing over your face as another day starts across the world from me. I wonder all the thoughts and feelings and laughter you will experience the whole day to come.
    I want to whine like a child, it’s not fair. We never got a chance.
    I’ve never met someone like you, I’ve told you a few times now. The way you show that you care and you listen, it’s incredible. And the looks you give make my stomach turn, like I’m going to be sick; Because I know that I can’t do anything about being so far from you.
    I want to be selfish and hold on, know that day in and day out you still think of me the way I think of you. Pull all the words out of you until there are none left, and then hear you say them again. But that’s not okay. I don’t want to be as unfair as the timing we got, I don’t want to make anything harder for you. Ever.
    Even from such a short time I know the good parts of you, and I’m pretty sure that they make up all of you. I’m inspired by the effort you put in all the areas of your life, and I know I need to let you live in your moments. Your energy is meant to be put into the things and people around you, not traveling and loosing speed to the other side of the planet.
    I like to fantasize about a day I can come home to you and we can make dinner and we can lay down after our long days and talk about everything and everyone, as a team. I’ve never felt this eager to support someone, and get support in return. You make me feel safe and you make me feel like I can be a better person than I’ve been in the last couple years; To other people and to myself.
    There are so many things about me that you don’t know, and I’d share it all with you, even the things I’m not proud of.
    I feel like I’ve been living in a huge shadow for so long, that taunts me from far up above my head. I run from it and it gets even bigger. Sometimes I think I could run around the whole world living as far away from the place I started as I can, and then the shadow just swallows up the earth and everything is dark.
    That’s terrifying,but it’s my nightmare.
    I need to figure out how to let light in, and you are a light I would have loved to brighten up my world. I’m so glad my body pulled itself to you, even if there was no hope of staying. I think it was just something that had to happen. I’m so happy my eyes opened up, last minute, and saw the sunshine, which is you. And I’m so grateful that I got to soak up that warmth even if for only a moment.
    You brought me to life in place where I thought I’d lost all feeling.

    2 Responses to Far away

    1. anonymoys
      July 9, 2014 at 11:12 am

      Thats very sweet

    2. ia
      July 11, 2014 at 7:41 am

      You seem to have very gentle soul – almost as gentle as my most loved one that lives far away from me and in my heart at the same time, all the time.
      Thank you for reminding me of his kindness and consideratness.

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