My little love,
Oh how you make me so proud.
But these last 5 months have been long and hard. Everyday you bring me joy, but I’m afraid we don’t have him to share it with. I’m so blinded by trying to see the good in everyone that I put myself up for the fall.
I should have know that he wouldn’t stick around, but there’s one thing you can count on… That I’ll never leave you my little love. Not in a million years, never.
I still can’t get my head around it, what do I say when you are old enough to know? Do I tell you the hard truth or paint a pretty little lie? I tried to hold on for so long, wanted it all but my all wanted to leave. Was I selfish for wanting it all? I thought I had it all, then I welcomed you and I was complete. But it wasn’t long before that dream was shattered.
Just know that I have struggled, I have known pain and defeat. One thing that never left me was hope. I hope that one day the broken pieces fall back together, because I have fought for so long. But my baby, I cannot fight alone. I did it for you, I tried. But I cannot force someone to love us, to want us or need us when they do not.
So I apologise for his absence, but I put my own life one hold for you. My little love, you are everything. This heartbreak is raw, and I pray that someday it gets better. Time is a healer and patience is a virtue.
But you my little love, are my strength. My courage, my reason to keep going. So today I let go of the what could have been and focus on our right now.
I will love you always.
Until my very last breath.
P.s a mother’s love for her baby grows unconditionally everyday, you will always have that love forever.