Oh how you use to make my heart swell mike. I thought that this was all a dream made up in my head, but from the first day I met you I saw something in you ive never seen in anyone before, & probably will never see again. Your beard, your tattoos, your style, your glasses, right down to your g-d d-mn shoes. I thought you were the nicest thing ive ever see. And after the one night i went to that party & keep giving you shy eye contact & biting my lip.. and you keep looking at me with your coy innocent eyes & raised forehead. I knew i wanted you in my life. You gave me your number. We chatted a lot. I would always stock up on skittles to make sure I had the guts to even carry on a conversation with you when we hung out (you’ll get this, if you ever read this.)
I remember after hours at the business you owned. You got pizza, I got the soda & utz bbq chips ( your fav, I remember haha!) I couldnt even eat it cause i was so shy around you. My stomach was always full of butterflies. & another night we hung out there I wanted to lay myself in your arms till i fell asleep.
The one day we ate at a pizza place were we shared a table, I felt like a couple. my skirt kept flying up cause it was windy and you’d always look at me longingly. then we were at the park & you locked your keys in the car was probably one of the best nights of my life. I was excited that i would be spending more time with you then intended. I remember trailing my fingers on your arms (for an example of conversation of course.) & you said something like “i wouldnt mind if you did that to me.” You hugged me a couple times during our walk around the trail. I felt goosebumps every time. As we waited for assistance to unlock the car we were sitting on a bench looking at the moon (which we both really dug.) behind the trees. I remember wanting to push you down & f-ck you. after they arrived we were about to go our seperate ways. You kissed me on the cheek & i stared at the ground as my little heart lit up like a christmas tree. I dont even remember the drive home cause i was so heart sick for you.
I remember how you always told me you’d get boners when we’d hug. I thought that was the cutest thing in the world.
I remember your gravely voice, your scars, your crooked teeth(which i found sexy as f-ck), the cigarettes, your thick framed glasses. I remember it all.
I dont want to sound like a creeper. but ive never been so enamored with someone as i did you.
But it all came crashing down. conversation got more limited. I lay awake just waiting to see a text that would never come. I prayed id hear you’d say you wanted me…even just one more time.
I was/ and still am trapped in a verbally abusive relationship. I think thats what caused your disappearance. You didnt want to get wrapped up with this f-cked up chick & all her baggage. I dont blame you. I just wish i could hear your voice again, have one last hug, maybe a small kiss. Being with you felt like a forever romance movie, a dream i never wanted to wake up from. I wanted closure. I needed closure. To at least move on in life. I tried my tactics to get you to talk to me, all went unnoticed.
The last time I saw you you were cold, distant, our hug left more to be desired. your body language said it all. you were over me, and married to your job. I brought you cookies. which you replied with “cool, thanks.” You said we’d text later but when you did it was platonic & simple.
You hurt me so bad. I want you to know that. I cried every night wishing i woke up to you & not the person I was with. I would have done anything to have you in my life. I did love you. And not that sh-tty sexual burning passion (even though that was great.) I truely had my heart set on you.
Im sorry i sound like a creep. We only talked/saw each other for 3 months. Even my coworkers noticed a change in me. they say a happy/fulfilled me.
Thank you for being in my life even though it was only for a short while. those were the happiest days of my life. I hope you find happiness someday like I did in you.