I don’t know what the f*** to think or how to fully understand this but…
IS- I’ll start off by saying I have never done anything like this before, so I know this letter is not going to sound extravagant or poetic. However, it is real and true from the heart and I don’t know another way that’s appropriate in a situation like ours to reach you. So I’ll hope that somehow you get to read this, and you know who it’s coming from and where. My intentions were always from a good place, nevertheless I know I’ve still made plenty of mistakes. Confessing my feelings for someone I’m not sure feels me the same way, is a strange feeling. Believe me if I didn’t care or really want you in my life, I wouldn’t bother (even if this is anonymous). I just want you to understand that this really means a lot, and I’ve never done anything like this for anyone else. This is something I have to do, I know I will thoroughly regret it if I don’t, and maybe u would to if you do feel the same.
So here we go…
We were never actually together, I have no idea how u feel about me now or then (forsure), I do know that this scares the shit out of me because I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and I really don’t understand how I can feel this way about someone I haven’t seen in this long and I was never even with, but I feel some kind of unexplainable deep connection with you, I never thought I could find anyone to be so beautiful (inside and out), I’ve had my share of girlfriends/hookups and not one of them compares to the connection I feel
with you, she’s called me out on having feelings for you, I told her the truth (finally), that I don’t feel like what her and I have right now is a relationship and that I don’t know if we’ll be able to get through this as a couple, for many reasons which you know pretty well considering we used to talk about it quite a bit, she has already been telling me she doesn’t consider this to be a relationship until I earn it back for the past 4 months but it’s been bad for much longer, you used to give me good advice about it, and you always told me I deserve better (which meant a lot to me), you may actually hate me now, or have dismissed me from your memories but I really hope not, n u may never see this but I hope you do and I hope you don’t have to ask yourself for a second who it might be from because you just know, it’s been awhile and I’ve missed you for a long time, even when I couldn’t admit it to myself, I miss seein your eyes when we’d randomly cross paths, after we stopped talking, I feel like when we look at each other it feels like we are intuitively connected on some other wavelength others don’t have access to, I miss your incredible poise, displaying your assertive yet feminine nature, you have so many contrasting traits that meld together in the best possible way, you are one of the only people I really would enjoy hearing talk, I loved how you could talk about anything and make it fun, whether it’s the witty comments you come up with that would flow with ease while we would carry on our silly banter, or on a much deeper level the intuitive kindness you would express, during a really bad time of my life, you supported me a lot more than I think you know (unfortunately that lasted for the entirety of me knowing you, I don’t feel like I got to truly show you the other side of me), you made me laugh more than I had in a really long time and I haven’t felt that since, but you also were there for me and went out of your way, talking to you and seeing your beautiful face helped me get through the day, I’ve never felt more like I just want to give someone the respect and care they deserve, I ask myself what the hell is going on in my head sometimes because when I think of a girl I’m attracted to and like, it’s mostly about sex, with you it’s about showing you love, loyalty, good time, and appreciating you for the good and the bad, I almost feel as if I was being tested after we stopped talking, I could not believe how many girls were approaching me out of the blue, without any effort on my part, literally from offering me their number to straight up saying they wanted to hook up, when I say this I mean it 100%, I could not even look at them in this manner or think about doing anything with them, and it felt so f***ed up because it wasn’t about the fact that I had a sort of gf, it was purely because I didn’t know if a chance with you would be possible and I didn’t want to ruin the possibility, and also mostly because after feeling such an intense connection with you I couldn’t compare a hookup to that even if the girl was really hot, writing this down I know it just all sounds so crazy, but this is the truth, on a different subject, I’m really sorry for anything I ever did that caused problems for you, and as f***ed n even crazier as it sounds I think I could really fall for you, shit maybe part of me already has, if that’s not what it is than its still a really strong feeling n I know I could, I’ve never missed any ex or hookup like this, theres a lot more I could say but all it want is for you to better understand where I’m coming from, I just can’t lie anymore, and I can’t regret anything else in life, I think we’d both be missing out by not even trying, this feels like a very rare opportunity that doesn’t come around much in life most importantly though I just want you to be happy and well, even if u don’t want me as a friend or otherwise at all in your life, I still will always respect you for who you are and wish u all the best, and I will be ok and move on, but I will also be forever grateful for the time we did spend and and all that I had the opportunity to learn through this experience, but keep a little spot for you in my future if you ever changed your mind, no matter what, I know you will be good and have whatever you desire in life because you are so incredibly strong and independent, even when it feels hopeless, and frustrating I gar auntie you’ll preserver…regardless with prayers of love, peace, & prosperity
-ME a damn fool who cares for you (blue steel)
FYI: if you do wanna get in contact with me I still have the same #, and still live @ the same place or email me back