I’m smart enough to know I deserve to be better to myself. Yet I’m so good at loving others even better than I can imagine to love myself. Always finding those that exude the confidence I hold within deploying the necessary weapons to succeed in this cruel world in which i live. But I’m fiece! I love so madly those that I couldn’t ever possibly loving as much as I crave to be loved. Who besides myself can love so passionately and openly? Life. So heartbreaking, only the thought of death seems just. What is life? What is the purpose of existence when you’re filled with an empty longing to be loved, supported, encouraged loved everyone falls short… Not that no one bit because no one cares no one cares and no one ever will. You are always alone in this world where you long to feel needed…wanted, desired, purposed, important. But you live in a world that always always always brings to your awareness how unimportant, replaceable, inadequate, Unvalued, undesired, unimpressive, ugly, fat, old, you really are and then nothing… No grace of god. No family no loved ones. Just a big fat empty feeling where you were once so hopeful. I have never wanted to leave this existence so badly. Fuck all you self centered self righteous self absorbed assholes! May you find the existence that you deserve.