I have self medicated for the past two years. I smoke loads of weed, constantly. I do it because I find life extremely stressful. I find life extremely stressful because I’m not very sociable. I’m not very sociable because of (a) a complicated childhood, and (b) the aforementioned drug addiction. It’s an extremely viscous cycle.
I had a complicated childhood. This stunted my social growth as I went into the world completely paranoid of people. When you think everybody’s out to get you or catch you out for something, life is fucking hard. You end up doing bad things, because you feel like it’s accepted that you will any way, and you’re always feeling like somethings going to happen anyway.
Finding a girlfriend is impossible, in my case because I don’t love me, so I come across as somebody who can’t be loved, as everybody trusts my opinion… I know me better than anybody. Aforementioned paranoia makes me a nervous wreck, not helping with the whole attractiveness thing. Even making friends is difficult… like what if you say the wrong thing? On the bright side, I’m more intelligent and witty than others but I struggle to apply it, because I have adapted to nobody liking me by copying things that are likable in society, i.e. humor and conversation topic. Like, when people say fat girls try harder… obviously not all fat girls do, and it varies, but typically people with low social confidence will exceed social expectations, ironically still being socially isolated in the process. They just want to be loved.
There is one key to social mastery. Walk into every situation knowing that no matter how you act, everybody loves you. You could piss your pants and they’d throw a party if you asked. Because of the amazing vibe you send (confidence, i.e. confidence people are going to like you, not just confidence to speak words out loud). Most people have already got it, but for those who don’t and, like me, are absolute social retards, this is your way out.