• Dearest Harley

    by  • May 23, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    Well, here it is. It’s been 3 long years of in and out of each other’s lives. I’ve written you several letters that you won’t see, and I won’t tell you about. When this year started, I vowed to say goodbye forever because I was tired of all the pain. All the tears. All the love, wasted. All the time not noticed. You called me in January because the last letter I sent you was…angry…for lack of a better word. You said you wanted to make sure I wasn’t mad at you because you couldn’t live with me mad at you. I lied again, and told you I wasn’t mad. We talked for a few. I told you I had met someone. You had also met someone. You said you didn’t approve. That made me happy on the inside, knowing that you really did care. I told you I just wanted you to be happy. Here it is…May. I’m single again…and you…well…You married her. I don’t approve. There isn’t much I can do about it now though. I mean…You’re married. I still cant wrap my head sometimes. Times like tonight. Somehow I can never manage to leave you in the past. You’re always on my mind. From the time I wake up till I go to bed. Its you. Seems it always will be you. Right this second the only thing I can think is…It was never me, was it? Sometimes, I wish I had never met you. Then I wouldn’t be here writing this. I never would have written any of the other letters. I wouldn’t wish they were you. I wouldn’t wish I was yours. I wouldn’t know this heartache. I wouldn’t have all those memories of us. Sitting on the sofa watching tv, talking about your girl problems. Me waking you up that night, and literally putting my life in your hands. Us standing on the back porch, me telling you that I knew you had feelings for me, but I was with your friend. You telling me that you were happy I was with him. That I was good for him. Hah! You never saw that he wanted you as bad as I did. The day I left him, and you kissed me and told me to move to NY. The first time you said you loved me. Every time you’ve told me you loved me. Every conversation. Every thought. If I never would have met you, I wouldn’t have all those memories. Good or bad. Although I wish sometimes, I regret nothing. If I could do it over, the only thing I would change is, I wouldn’t have left you. This whole experience has done a number on me, but I wouldn’t be who I am now without it. I told you once that I believe you are the one for me. Deep down, I still feel that way. I’m not going to put my life on hold though. I’m going to keep moving forward, and maybe one day someone will make me feel the way you do. I love you. Now and forever.
    Your dearest Confederate.

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