Well, here we are now. I realized that I’m never gonna hear from you again. No matter how hard I try to be there for you, I’m never going to be let in. I was never going to make you happy, and I guess if I kept trying, you would just discard me all over again. What a profoundly sad moment in time.
I no longer have anything left of yours, as though any of it was really mine as well… I looked around, and realized that I don’t even have a piece of you that meant anything other than a spoon, that I took from a hotel we once stayed at one time. You never gave me anything that meant something from you heart… though I know why, but I won’t say it on here. But, I know this cycle already: you love me, hate me, love to hate me, and then leave you be. There is no winning here, we just both loose.
So, I’ll embark on a new life, what more can I do? Hang on to someone who bad mouths me to others? Spills my secrets? Loathes me, or pretends to so nobody or even yourself can see that there is something more valuable there? Continue to keep apologizing for a relationship failure that had equal parts. In fact if you could stomach the truth without instantly getting angry, than you would see that it was 90% you. Your career, your life path, your wants needs concerns. Mostly all impulsively obtained with a lack of patience and reflection on your part. Of course if anything was wrong or you felt unhappy, than it was my fault. It mush have been difficult for you to have been married to a such a worthless, difficult, inept person…
Though, I’m sure that my quick replacement (this last one) is so much better and, everything I’m not. How they must see all the horrible things I put you through. Surely, they feel your pain, and I’m sure you know this is the one! The one who will make you happy this time? Yeah, it must be… Yes, they will be better than me in every way.
It must have been hard on you to have a partner who never cheated on you. It must be hard to have a partner that would follow wherever you wanted to go, and put their on career and needs on hold. It must have been hard to have a partner who isolated themselves and lied about their situation for your career and comfort. It must have been hard to have a partner in which you have to point out all their flaws and failings. It must have been hard to have a partner who found solitary ways to bring in income to give you and feed you all the little things that you liked. It must have been hard to have a partner that would share anything they had with you. It must have been hard to have a partner who wasn’t a mind reader. It must have been hard on you to have a partner that would give you anything you asked for, had you just directly asked for it. It must have been the most difficult to have a partner that continued to go to therapy to learn how to make things better and more pleasant for you. It must have been hard to have to smack me in the face from time to time… I should known my place. (anyone reading this: No, I don’t need an abuse hotline number.)
So, I all I can say now, is how deeply sorry I am to you for having to put up with all that. Forgive me for not recognizing your sacrifices. It so horrible all the things I put you through. NO wonder you had to tell people all those awful things about me. I guess I should be so ashamed of myself now.
Glad you moved on to a better pasture. You deserve it. Someone who is lucky enough to be with you better make sure they treat you with the commitment, compassion, love, and respect you so very much deserve. As for me, I need to learn a lesson on being in a relationship, and how to put my selfish needs and desires aside.
You’re ex j