• I Get It Now

    by  • May 18, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Eff Off - You - or Up • 0 Comments

    Hoo boy, do I have words for you, buddy. Let’s take a quick trip down memory lane, shall we? Remember when you rode a bike ten miles to see a movie with me? Remember when I broke down and you held me until I stopped shaking? Remember when you said you loved me? When you ran up to me in hallways and whispered it just to see me blush?
    I get it now. The boy who did all that is dead.
    Remember when you didn’t kiss me for three weeks but refused to admit something was wrong? Remember when you left me on a Monday outside a gym and told me the whole thing was ridiculous and I shouldn’t have made the mistake of feeling something so strong for you? Remember when I couldn’t look you in the eye for a year?
    I get it now. The boy who said he loved me was never alive.
    Oh, that was awhile ago though. How about the dozens of times YOU urged and cajoled me to spill my heart out to you, just to have it walked on again? Or when I came over and YOU made me tea, YOU kissed me, then insisted it meant nothing?
    That time I not-so-discretely offered you everything I am because having some part of you was all I needed? Ringing any bells?
    I get it now. This love has never been on my terms.
    And how about last week, huh? You should be able to remember that much.
    This girl you’re fucking, this girl who is giving you the exact relationship I offered you once, this girl who has done nothing wrong, do you even see how she looks at you?
    She’s me, you idiot, you complete ass.
    So don’t, don’t you DARE come crying to me when, I can only hope, she turns out to be smarter than me and leaves you before you can break her like you did me.
    I get it now. You have never loved another person unless they could give you what you wanted without too many strings attached.
    And I know it now.
    I do not need you anymore. I don’t even want you.

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