• Gateway D-Bag

    by  • May 14, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Eff Off - You - or Up • 0 Comments

    You are the Gateway Douche Bag.

    You are the guy that girls get burned by and cry themselves to sleep over. They lay awake questioning why they aren’t good enough for you, even though you’re almost 26 with no degree and all you do is bar tend at an Olive Garden and get high with your douche of a roommate. You’re the one who finds an innocent and insecure teenage girl to prey on. You hang out with her for two weeks and make her feel special enough to convince her to sleep with you, and then you fall off the face of the earth.

    BUT… then a couple months later, enter Prince Charming. He sweeps one of these girls off of their feet, and patches up all of the wounds you inflicted. He ends up being one of the best things to ever happen to one of these girls. Seriously, every single girl you have been with for the past year has had this happen…

    So where is MINE? HELLO!?!?!?! Anyone out there? Anyone brave enough to step up and try to conquer what seems like an impossible quest: getting me to forget YOU. Of course, it’s not like I haven’t tried! But every time I find someone you come and reel me back in. Screw you. Cut me loose. If you’re not going to grow some balls and actually be with me, why do you have such a problem if some other guy is into me? Why do you only want me to want you, but you can’t man up and finish what you’ve started? Because you’re a douche.

    You’re like Roy from The Office, and all of the girls are Pam who then find their Jim after they finally get rid of you.

    So, I’m going to be my own Jim. My own Prince Charming. I am DONE WITH YOU. I don’t need you, and I certainly don’t need your shit.

    Goodbye.

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