• Dear Sonia

    by  • May 14, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Thinking of you • 0 Comments

    I’m pretty sure I think about our relationship more than you do. Actually, I am sure of it. I don’t know if that means I care more, too much or both. Either way, I’m fine with it because it means I care.
    I worry that you think you need a change in your life and you’re looking at our relationship as that necessary change. I’ve been there, so I can relate.
    I want you to know that I think you’re more special than you know. You’re kind. You’re caring. You can sense unhappiness and you don’t try to force anything. You just let it be known that you’re there.
    When you want to, you can do a job better than anybody. You’re driven. You’re smart and analytical. But, most importantly, you put your heart in everything you do.
    I tell everybody that you’re the first and only girl that I’ve both loved and respected.
    It hurt me to see how much it hurt you that nobody appreciated all the blood, sweat and tears you put in to work when your boss went on leave.
    I was so impressed with how you met that challenge without fear, and so upset that it went unrecognized.
    I know you hold resentment toward me for the way I constantly made our relationship seem like it’s expendable, when in reality I’m not sure I would have made it through these past few years with only a few bruises without you there to remind me that it’s not the end of the world.
    I owe my job to you. You don’t know this, or maybe you do. But I convinced myself that I couldn’t be successful after I lost my job. Just having you there to tell me that I can do it was enough to get me to go in to my new job with enough confidence to succeed.
    You don’t know this yet. But my counselor thinks I’m depressed. I think he’s right. That’s why I had to go to the doctors.
    I know this doesn’t make sense, but that doesn’t mean I’m unhappy. I couldn’t be happier with where I am.
    I don’t believe that a relationship has to be the most important thing in a persons life, or something that requires the most attention.
    I do believe that having somebody as kind, beautiful and sensitive as you for my best and worst moments has made all the difference.
    I get down every time I think about the things I’ve said to you after drinking. That isn’t who I am. It kills me to know that you probably don’t believe that.
    I’ve thought numerous times about the prospect of calling you my wife. Not now. Not soon. But eventually.
    I’m not saying we’re at that point.
    Obviously, we aren’t.
    I mean, I might lose you soon.
    But, if we somehow got through this. If I could figure out how to make you happy again. If I could get you to smile and just enjoy life, or more importantly, enjoy life with me, I know that we could love each other better than anybody.
    I think the toughest thing for me to accept is that you don’t need me.
    I think the biggest fear I have is that you might not even want me.
    I think the saddest fact is that I might not have the power to change that.
    But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.

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