• I’m sorry I’m broken

    by  • May 8, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Guilt • 0 Comments

    It is extremely hard for me to say these things out loud when I’m around you. It’s also hard to write. But let me begin this letter saying that I love you. I do, really, I love you so much it hurts my troath right now, I can feel some tears coming.
    Last year, we met. Those days, I wasn’t as fucked up as I’m now, and you were the one who needed cheering.
    I showed you as much affection as can be shown, I was tender, on the hopes that our love would grow. And it did.
    Then one day, the toughts started coming and falling all over me, I couldn’t stop feeling.
    I’m sorry for the day my psychiatrist told me I had been diagnosed with Borderline.
    You were there for me, and I stood.
    I stood against myself and against all odds. Because of you.
    I stood even if my medications were killing me , and I stood still trough my own big failiures.
    Nevertheless, now I feel like I can’t make it, I can’t go on anymore. And everytime you kiss me, and hold me and make me smile, I feel a little guilty, because I’m always a storm cloud, causing you trouble, worrying you, making both of us cry. I’m so sorry you’ve had to see me at my worse. And you keep telling me that you’ll never let me go. I like to hear that, but I’d also like to be able to tell you that one day you’ll have me as a whole, that one day I’ll be sane and perfect to give you the love that you deserve, but I can’t assure you that. Every night I try to make things better, but in the end, it is me the one with a problem. I hate being this broken, and I hate the fact that you’ve chosen to stick to me. Because I’m just a hand granade.

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