• I Wish I Were Stronger

    by  • May 4, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    I give up a bit of my self respect everytime i let you speak to me the way you do or treat me the way you do. You have no respect for who I am. You don’t like who I really am and I’ve changed myself for you: i’m angrier. I no longer believe in good people. I laugh at people who talk online about being happy because i think they’re all fake or idiots.

    I wonder whether I am good for anyone because of the way you treat me or talk to me. Home isn’t a haven for me. You hurtmy feelings on a constant basis.

    You are selfish. You want everything to your convenience.

    I don’t know who this “nice” person at work is that you talk about. I don’t think you were ever really nice to me. I am always cautiously happy. You are constantly pissed at me. I am always watching out to keep your mood calm.

    I still can’t believe you told me that my ideas never matter. It only matters if it makes you money.

    Your automatic response to anything is blame. If I ever fall in trouble, I don’t believe you will be there for me. I don’t believe I can depend on you to be there for me. Blame is a part of my life. You will blame me for everything that goes on in your life if possible.

    I still can’t believe that after I gave birth, you were the cause of my unhappiness. That I got no support from you. I still say it was depression, but it wasn’t. It was you.

    Everytime I’ve been unhappy, it’s because of you. Everytime I’ve been happy, it’s because you’ve let me or because you think it won’t affect you. Everytime you need something, you’ve taken, and I don’t see that love returned.

    I don’t know what to do with you. I am afraid to leave you because you are meaner than me and you might take my children away.

    You are a burden to me. Sometimes I don’t want to touch you anymore. Sometimes the hate I feel for you is so real that I wonder what it would be like to have you gone.

    I saw you throw that vacuum cleaner and Patrick ran away and I can’t get that out of my mind.

    I am afraid that our sons will treat their wives the way you treat me.

    You shout and go crazy and you don’t want to listen to reason. Everytime you go crazy, i wonder what the kids will think.

    I feel like you are emotionally abusive. I don’t know how else I can be better for you. I wish I were stronger, so I can take the kids and leave you.

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