I know I expressed gratitude that you invited me to your house for Thanksgiving. But you really have no idea what that meant to me. I didnt have anywhere else to go. Idk why, but holidays, birthdays, that kinda stuff is really important to me. The last time I was alone on Thanksgiving was my first year in a new city. Coca-Cola+151+Xanax. Thats how I spent it. I dont remember when I blacked out, I started the festivities around noon I think. I regained semi-consciousness around 5am. I was on the phone with my Dads new girlfriend-that I didnt even know about and had never talked to before. She was telling me I would be ok. I didn’t understand what she was saying. She sounded so scared. Then I realized I was hysterically crying…I went to sleep after that. The next day I had a voicemail from my first girlfriend (oh and theres another really good story about her…can you say deja vu?) We hadn’t been together for awhile, since I left my hometown. She said in the voicemail that I should never call her again because she didnt wanna “listen to me talking about killing myself” again. Idk what happened when I was blacked out. But I think I might have tried to subconsciously kill myself. Anyways, what I’m really trying to say is that was one of the worst days of my life, because I was so lonely. Thank you for saving me from having to go through that again. I thought our mutual friend +2 would be there…but I have to say I was not disappointed at all because I had such a great time.
And you know, that wasn’t even all of it…cuz most of last year sucked for me. And by the end of the year I was in a really bad place. Idk why my job didnt fire me – I was a piece of shit. They had the decency to let me finish the term. I was basically doing everything possible to get kicked out of my other job too, you know my primary job. Not because I wanted that…I was just so fucking angry. And then you invited me over to T-day. I ate delicious food you made yourself and I watched football with friends I would have otherwise never known. I had such a great time. I even was playing with babies with B (somehow she’s always involved lol, she drove me home that night too).
Basically G, I just wanna say, that honestly I think you saved my life. Because I don’t know where I was going…but it wasn’t good. A few weeks later was a big moment for me, and I did better than I ever had before :). G, honestly, I have troubles trusting you because sometimes I feel like I know you are lying to me, but yet other times you’re the one who keeps my fucking head from exploding. You really are one of the best friends I have ever had.