• To my spud

    by  • April 28, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Hope • 1 Comment

    It’s becoming a habit “talking” on here. Because I don’t trust anyone else. Not enough to show them my feelings. I’m telling everyone that we’re ok because it’s none of their business and they don’t care about me anyway. It’s all just gossip to them. Truth is I’m not sure that I am ok. I’m pretending to be. That can’t be mentally good for anyone can it? I suppose I just have too much going on to deal with anything else right now. The silence has never felt so loud. I’m having to distract myself from thinking about it constantly but when I do allow myself to think I go through phases of thinking maybe you’re “trial and errorring” her before ending things with me and other times I hope and pray that you’re just enjoying being a bloke “in his new pad” I sincerely hope it’s the latter. That way you can sit and wonder how to come and make it up to me for making me feel this isolated. Hard to go through this because you’re the only one I can trust to talk to when I feel like this. I can’t do that if you’re the problem 🙁 miss you spud. Please come back to me. You’ve made me realise just how much I crave you in my life to be by my side. Make the right choice for both of us whatever that may be. Hakuna matata xxxxxx

    One Response to To my spud

    1. poutine
      April 28, 2014 at 8:54 pm

      It’s good that you’re taking actions to shift your focus away from the pain. Keep it up. This imagery works: Picture a bonfire. Really look at it. Focus on the colors. Put your hand into the fire. Feel every inch of that burn, the nerves in your hand triggering pain receptors to go into overdrive. Now, would you want to do it again? No, of course not. You can do this! Leave it to human nature’s basic instincts.
      When the weather gets better, your mood will automatically lighten up just like the sun. You will find hope so much more worthwhile that you’ll scoff at this one. Trust me on this.

      PS. How you know that I’m a spud is kind of unsettling tbh… But it’s no biggie

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