I was so mad at you. I’m still mad at you. I may always be mad at you.
You really have done a number on me, my self esteem, my self worth. You behave so badly sometimes. People wonder why I stay with you, sometimes I wonder the same thing.
But that week told me one thing. I still love you a great deal. Whether I want to, or not.
You were in pain, I know your threshold isn’t so high, so at first I wasn’t overly concerned, but you were in pain for hours, and when I saw you curled up in the fetal position and nearly in tears, well. I was pretty worried, I called us a cab and took you to the hospital.
It was awful. I stayed calm, and told you it was probably nothing, but really, I was losing it. It took so long for them to get to you. I was getting extremely pissed off. You were covered in a sheen of sweat and your eyes were dark and bloodshot.
That first night I didn’t sleep, I just sat in the chair next to your bed and watched you. You were hooked up to the IV with antibiotics and painkillers pumping into you. I just sat there and gently rubbed your feet while you came in and out of consciousness.
I stayed calm the whole time we were there, I didn’t want you to be any more worried than you were already, but inside I was a mess. No matter how angry, no matter how hurt, I didn’t want that for you.
They took you into surgery finally, and before you went in I was holding your hand and telling you I’d be just there when you got out, gave you a hug and kiss and watched them wheel you away.
It was only supposed to take 45min. an hour maybe.
They had you for a little over 2 hours before the doctor finally came out and told me they were finished. It was really bad, and you were filled with poison. It took them a long time to clean you out. He told me you were in recovery and they would call me when you came to.
I sat there and stared at the phone. It was another hour before they called me in.
I still held back any and all reaction.
It wasn’t until we got home that I laid in bed and cried. Wow did I cry.
As much as I hate you sometimes, and I do, I love you more than anything.
Listen, dickhead, I won’t tell you any of this because I don’t want it to go to your head, but you are absolutely my heart, and one cannot live without their heart.
So don’t let this happen again, OK? OK.