• Why do men get scared of commitment

    by  • April 26, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Soulmate • 8 Comments

    We’ve been in an ldr for nearly a year now. And now you’re scared and confused about why you find someone else attractive. I get that. I think it’s common. I think you’d be abnormal to not fancy other people. It doesn’t mean you love me any less you said so yourself. So now we’re having space. I’m blocking it out and venting my emotions on here because I have too much to deal with without feeling like I’m losing you. Do people ever come out of this “space” better for it or are we prolonging the inevitable?! We both said we don’t want to break up. Maybe it was just too much too soon. Everyone tells me not to get my hopes up but I’d be lieing if I said I wasn’t thinking about WHEN you turn up at my door..hug me..apologise and tell me you want out future together. I just hope it is ‘when’ I miss you already and this “space” has only been official for a day. I love you. Always. There’ll never be another like you. That much I’m certain of xxxx

    8 Responses to Why do men get scared of commitment

    1. Tough question.
      April 27, 2014 at 2:38 am

      I could give you a view from the other side. I always thought when you feel it you stay automatically and when you don’t feel it anymore why stay? Maybe it’s a different thing when you have/want children and have to plan ahead. But everything else? Maybe I’m living too much in the moment…Maybe there are two kinds of people. The planners and the gypsies. For me settling feels like getting a rope around my neck, but I also have to admit that there was someone for whom I could have imagined to change. Hard to give advice here. I think everyone needs to process it in their own pace. You should do what feels right for you. If you don’t want to give up hope, don’t do it. You can’t force it anyways. Maybe there will come a point where you reach your limit and you’ll say. No that’s it, I’m done. But I think you should not try to convince them or set them under pressure. It has to come naturally. Imagine they decide to commit before they are ready. They will always know that you set them under pressure and that they did not experience what they thought they might. This is nothing you want.

    2. commitment
      April 27, 2014 at 6:25 am

      If someone wants to make a relationship work, they will commit. Period. The trick is, to have the self-esteem to realize that’s the type of man you deserve. I was in a relationship for four years once where my boyfriend made excuses about not moving in with me. After four years and me being patient and supportive, etc. I got sick of waiting and finally left. The next relationship I had the guy completely and almost immediately committed to me as easy as breathing. We are married and have a beautiful daughter. Point is, just don’t sell yourself short. Don’t let his inaction affect your self esteem if he doesn’t end up showing up at your door.

    3. Thank you
      April 27, 2014 at 12:17 pm

      Thank you. You’re both right and I appreciate the input. I’m willing to back off a bit if it means we have a future together. I can be patient for now because I think it will be worth it. He was sincere and upset and confused when I saw him last. Seeing a man cry with confusion has led me to be this patient. But equally I’m not naive. I know that if he doesn’t show up then I deserve better anyway. There’s no point holding on if it isn’t two sided. I just guess I’m hoping that he’ll realise we’re good together and quit being scared.

    4. Space: The Final Frontier
      April 27, 2014 at 1:22 pm

      ……of a relationship.
      It’s a BS excuse so they can ‘get off’ easily re: loyalty to your union, whatever shape that has taken. Not sure if this contains a pun, but I suspect it does.

      “I need some space” are the four words that mark the end of any couple who wish to explore any new galaxy of life, together. It’s the end of the journey.

      fron·tier : 3. Often, frontiers. (b.)
      an outer limit in a field of [any] endeavor, especially one in which the opportunities for research [knowing more] and development have not been exploited [examined] : the frontiers of space exploration.

      Spock: “I need space is the way of the coward, often keeping the other party hanging on to hope. Hope is a powerful catalyst, but dealing with a veiled promise of hope that never arrives often crushes the human psyche, Captain”

      Kirk: “It is most unfortunate. Duly noted.”
      Kirk: ” Cigar, Mr. Spock? “

    5. Dre
      April 27, 2014 at 1:22 pm

      Many times, its because we know that she is not really right for us, and we therefore hesitate. When a person comes along and she has all the right qualities we are more likely to commit faster. Loving, caring , giving, secure, optimistic, relatively drama-free, sane, intelligent and easy to be with women are a rare breed. These tend to have the right qualities that men look for.

    6. hun
      April 27, 2014 at 7:09 pm

      There is nothing wrong about telling your man what you want. He can commit or he can leave. That is not pressure. You are 50% of the relationship and have every right to run that show as much as he does. What pressure is that? He can leave and find another woman or stay with you and move the relationship to the next stage ( If that is what you want). It is as simple as that. If he loves you he will stay. Period Men would rather have both, to be with you, without commiting. Don’t be that woman that accepts less than you deserves. Make your stand, be respected.

    7. But...
      April 28, 2014 at 4:34 am

      When we spoke he told me he can picture us getting married one day, me bearing his children one day and that he loves having me there when he comes home from work. I get the sense that he’s just realised we’re in this for the long run and the thought of never being with anyone else is a scary prospect. He said himself that it’s creeped up on us. Maybe he just needs time to assess what’s more important. As I said previously I’ll be tolerant for now as I think it may be worth it. But if its not me and a a future as “us” that he wants then I’ll walk away. Painfully. But I will. Because if its not mutual what’s the point!

    8. reader
      April 28, 2014 at 1:56 pm

      hun I can understand your arguing, but I would perceive it as pressure if someone told me either you marry me now or you leave.

      Lets assume the man “accepts” to commit after this. Do you really want that? I have a friend who did this with her man. Although he had different plans and didn’t seem ready, he gave in and married her. He did not want to lose her. They have now a baby together, but he did not really change his lifestyle. He works long hours and meets his friends. The baby is mainly her responsibility. She stays at home while he goes on party. Superficially seen she got what she wanted, but she doesn’t seem happy.

      I know another couple. She also initiated that talk and he told her that he was not ready. He said he needed a few more years, before he wanted to have kids. She was not happy about it, but she stayed patient and didn’t leave him. Five/six years later now they also have a baby together, but it’s completely different compared to the first couple. He planned every step together with her and they both seem so happy with their little family.

      I know that these are just examples and you will find different ones, but I think it’s really hard to be so strict and claim to know whats right or wrong. It always depends on the specific situation. Listen to your gut, relax a bit and don’t let the whole thing stress you too much! No matter how you will decide I wish you good luck, author!

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