I’m sorry for the way things ended. I acted like I didn’t care but I cried for days after you left.
I wanted you to know, I just didnt know how to let him down. I had told him but with injury he had, he acted like I didn’t say anything. He tried to break in my house once. I know you’d never believe that he was really that messed up after the accident but he was. Eventually his memory returned and I let him know that he put those ideas in his own head. Ok no I didn’t but I did say I didn’t say half that. I didn’t write you countless letters. I wrote you 2 as a friend because you were going to war and asked me too. And this isnt working out, more of a break up rather than, this was an imagination you had under stress. I really didnt know how to handle him when he came back like that. One the phone I told him we would just be friends, like w had been for 5 years. Then when that accident happened and he called it was like talking to a new person.
i thought it wasnt going to he like that though when he got back. he was seeing a doctor who wouldnt release him till he was ‘ fit’.
Anyway, he didn’t handle the news well so i stayed friends with him for a month or two so he would stop freaking out.
I was being honest when I told you, I didn’t want any of that. I just didnt know how to deal with him. I was so ignorant. So young and immature. I don’t want to hurt anyone, let alone some messed up person. But I hurt myself and maybe you. I went to tell you this but I kept putting it off. Afraid. Then I heard you was with D. You called me during, once. looking for something. i didn’t know you were unhappy or i would have told you, instead i got off the phone quickly so i didn’t open my mouth and maybe ruin your happiness. When that ended you had your own problems so I still didn’t tell you or give you my note. I was coming to see you a few months after, when i got there, you were gone. which saved your life. i seen you the other day. You looked as good as you did the first time we dated. Back to the happy energic guy I loved. It crushed me. I acted otherwise but it’s a month later and I’m still all screwed up over it. Your gf seems like a really nice girl. I had a hard time not liking her. I hope you get what you want in life. Marriages, some babies, the whole deal. Another part of me hopes your with her just because a its a new small town and you didn’t want to be alone and I hope you leave her. I would move anywhere for you. I’ve changed a lot the last two years. Loss will do that. I know you’ve had more than your share of loss too. I have grown up and know what really matters now. but its gone and happy somewhere else. i can accept that. i am happy for you and hurting for you at the same time. I hope you don’t settle for less because you deserve it all. All the nice things you said you wanted. And mostly just because of what happened I prey you know you deserve another chance with making your own family. Imsure you’d know what I mean. Go for it, you are a wonderful person and would do great with that.
With a heavy heart, I post this long but so short compared to all I have to say letter online for you to never read. Because I won’t destroy your happiness. When you asked me to drive you to the store this why I chatted quickly about everything and nothing so I wouldn’t say anything else.
No matter where you are or if I never see you again,
I’ll always love you.