April 22, 2014
How are you? How’s your family? Hows your application in Public? I have hundreds of questions to ask you, to know if you’re doing fine, to make sure that you’re doing fine, because I want you to be fine, I want your family to be okay, I want you to be accepted i n public, to live a happy life, a successful and fulfilling one. But I cant be there to celebrate with your success, not at this state of mine. I’m broken fun, I don’t blame you for not loving me, I cant, because all of this is my idea, my fault, my problem. I cant blame you if I still can’t get over that night at mini stop, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’ve been holding these tears for days now, and now it finally came out. Why does it seems that no matter how hard I cry the pain doesn’t end?, I’m leaving not because I hate you, I just hate what I become in the process of being with you. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again. I’m having a hard time that I’ve got to leave my home, my family, my parents who are getting old, my friends. But I believe that this is what I need.
Please be happy, please live righteously, don’t go back to that dark area of your life, try to be a normal living person, to succeed in your chosen path, I sincerely hope that you get everything that your heart desires. You are not my first love , but you are my greatest one. Though it is a one-sided love, an unrequited one, it made me do the things I never thought I could do. And maybe one day I’ll be thankful of these tears because hopefully I’ll be stronger from this.
Please pray for a happy life for me too, that may God send a man whom I’ll be his greatest love. Pray that I’ll find a good job, a good career path, a happy and healthy family too. Please pray that I’ll be part of the graduate school of my dream university, please do pray for my success too as I do you.
You will forever be in my heart. You are one of the closest people to me. But I cant be your friend anymore, I cant be friends with someone that I cant have. It will be an endless torture to me. Please allow me to try to get over you.
I just want to know, is there anything that you did for me that I didn’t force you to do? or did you just do those things out of indulgence? reciprocity?
Maybe one day I’ll be able to look into your eyes again and feel nothing but a love for a friend, I cant wait for that day, because I know how much I’ll miss you. I know that I might be tempted to txt you, or call you, or log in my fb to contact you, to see what you’re up to. But I will do my best to avoid doing that, I need to be myself again. Selda. I miss Selda. I know how much you hate drama, so I’ll put an end to this. This is my goodbye.
April 22, 2014