• Rose in a Sunflower Field

    by  • April 20, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Closure • 18 Comments

    Dear M,

    It’s not till so far down the road does a man realize what he could have had if only he didn’t lack the guts. You may have never known and will more than likely never know that I cared more than I led on. This is more than likely the story of most men. Fated for one and too stubborn to get out of his own way to make it happen.

    I think you cared more than you led on as well but we were both just too stubborn to realize we had a chemistry like no other. So many life events going on at one time and the distraction led us here. You had me on cloud nine and somewhere, somehow, I just failed to see how happy I really was. I was writing again and always in a good mood. As I look back I still can’t believe that I, Mr.Observant, didn’t realize that the reason was you. I’ve been on quite a few dates and been going out a lot. All I can think about is how unhappy they would make me. Every now and then I stare back at the piece that I wrote when I was spending so much time with you.

    “To find love is to find a rose in a sunflower field. Something so rare and beautiful to find that you sit there and pause for a moment. Constantly wondering if you should pick it and risk a rose never growing again or leaving it and hoping it blossoms into something more astonishing. Forever contemplating how the outcome of such an action will effect the future for not only the field but yourself.”

    When writing this I had no clue that it was actually about you. I never stopped to think what possessed me to write such a piece. Day after day I looked you in the face and unintentionally showed no interest. Although subconsciously I see how your smile and conversations in the morning were a highlight to my day now. Shortly after our time together it hit me.

    You were the rose in the sunflower field that I never expected to find. You were so rare that I was unaware of how to handle it. I wanted to pick you but I was afraid. Afraid that if I did it would forever scar my field of dating. Afraid that if anything happened and we split I would never find another like you. Now I see that is the point of the flower. To be picked and never grow in another field. To be admired and taken care of while it can be. Alas I let you stay and wouldn’t you know, someone else came across and picked you before I could come to my senses. So in the end I am a victim of my own doing. I payed the ultimate sacrifice in finding that every man is solely responsible for his own destiny if only he realizes what he has when he has it.

    Never wilt and never die. Let no man block your sun and forever be the rose that stands out in the sunflower field.

    Always,
    K

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    18 Responses to Rose in a Sunflower Field

    1. orchid
      April 21, 2014 at 7:12 am

      It’s letters like these that are sad and so very frustrating to read. I need to ask this question and maybe you can give me an answer back please.

      Why do people do this? Why don’t people “pick the rose” when it’s just about to bloom and it’s there just waiting to be picked? Why do some people stare at the rose for a long time just to walk away? Or worse, why do they sit there, watch as most of the petals fall off, pick it, and are surprised when there is not much left but thorns and then throw the rose away in the nearest compost pile?

      Some people say they want the rose, but pick a dandelion instead. What gives? Do you feel unworthy of the rose? Do you just have a preference for daisies? Or are you not ready for gardening at all?

      Obviously I’m passionate about the subject. I would really appreciate a lesson in botany as you see it. Thank you.




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    2. K
      April 21, 2014 at 11:00 am

      I think I was just unprepared to pick such a rose. I was happy just being friends and just living in the moment as just that. I just didnt realize at the time the friendship was more that just friends. I’m not sure if either of us knew and possibly both held back. It wasn’t that I was unworthy or that I prefer something other than the rose. I would have gladly taken the rose but life and fear of losing something great holds people back. They really enjoy what they have and they don’t want it to change into something else. Words cannot describe how sad it makes you when you realize you should have just gone for it. No pain no gain, risk it to get the biscuit.
      Many other people don’t appreciate what they have and that’s not the case here. I appreciated it and cherished it. I just failed to make a move when I should of. I can almost guarentee I would not be writing this letter right now if I had just accepted what should have been inevitable.

      Thanks for the response,
      K




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    3. K
      April 21, 2014 at 1:19 pm

      You must also remember that not every woman is a rose. Roses come in many forms. My bluebonnet may be another mans rose and vice versa. Some men might not even be out for the rose. Thus just letting the flower they pick die.




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    4. anonymoys
      April 21, 2014 at 5:26 pm

      Its beautiful but wasted




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    5. K
      April 21, 2014 at 6:38 pm

      That I cannot argue with. Thus why I’m posting it now. So maybe someone else won’t.




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    6. Searching for Answers
      April 22, 2014 at 6:06 am

      @orchid

      I can’t tell you how sorry I feel reading your reply. There is this person who is very special to me. I failed to even TRY to pick that rose in the past. It was a horrible mistake that haunts me to this day. The ‘why’ of it would take a long time to explain and maybe needs a lengthy narrative of the background, so I won’t post it here. I don’t know if this helps, but suffice it to say that it is possible for someone to be completely in love with that rose and fail to attempt to pluck it from the garden. But with special types of roses, if they are not picked, know that it is usually the gardener’s fault, nothing to do with the quality of the rose. Maybe the gardener was just a plain dumb fuck idiot. I was/am.

      I’ve been trying to attempt to pick the rose recently. I was even surprised to find it still in the garden. However, it won’t budge. I don’t know if it still is possible for me or it takes a special kind of gardener or a special kind of gardening technique. The rose is as beautiful as ever but all roses do have thorns. Every failed attempt gets you a prick that hurts like hell. Can someone die from a thorn prick? It certainly feels that way. I need to step away to recover after each prick. As for me, I will be needing advice from someone with knowledge on this particular species. For the life of me, I can’t get one to sit down and meet with me. Relying on my own capabilities is getting me nowhere. I did some thinking, and the only thing left to do is to remove all the protective gardening gear that’s prohibiting my range of movement in plucking that elusive rose. I’ve thought about it and the only thing stopping me right now from doing this is fear that another thorn prick could cripple me or that the delicate rose wouldn’t take too well being approached that way.

      Of course, if you are trying to relate it to something in your life, another perspective is that maybe the gardeners are busy tending other roses. This is probably how it would seem when other roses view me right now. I just really like this particular rose. Damn it.




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    7. orchid @gardener
      April 22, 2014 at 10:31 am

      Well if I can help out someone in my opposite position I will be happy to do so. I wish my person cared about me like you do them or seem to. But you are not he and he doesn’t care so I’m going to try to help you with the minimal info you gave me and my own experience.

      For me what would have made all the difference was to know without a doubt I was the flower they wanted. Now this does you no good if they don’t see you romantically. But if you know they do, I would cease any and all involvement in any other gardens. I mean how fair is it to the sunflowers if what you really want is the rose?? So start there. Honesty and consistency are the keys. I don’t know why they would ignore you or hate you unless you have severely hurt them or they just don’t care or you are a delusional stalker…but throwing off all protective gardening gear, speaking to them in person with complete honesty, and respecting them is important. Do they hate you? Why? Have you done so much damage it can’t be fixed? Be conscious of your choices. Be honest. Be brave. If they don’t want the same thing even after you’ve done all you could, then love them enough to let them be happy without you. And side note…I truely hope all your contact with them has been in the real world and not here. Anything here doesn’t count at all period. Base their actions, words, etc on your true experience with them, not on fantasy. I hope this makes sense.




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    8. Maybe?
      April 22, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      If the rose does not want to be picked by you, then you need to stop hurting yourself and the rose and find another flower. Maybe it wants to be owned by another.




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    9. K
      April 22, 2014 at 9:00 pm

      The rose is long gone. I’m sure she felt the same way I just failed to be brave. This letter is just a letter I should have sent her a loooonnngggg time ago just didn’t for many reasons which make no sense to me now. It’s serving as a reminder to me and anyone out there who lacks the courage or intelligence to realize what they have whilst they have it. To look deep and see something whiff you may not see till it’s too late.




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    10. @searching
      April 23, 2014 at 5:35 am

      In my opinion you have to make a decision, if you want a rose that will perfectly respond to your gardening technique but needs to be cared about on a regular basis or if you prefer nature as it is and accept that you can’t exactly determine how it will grow.




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    11. Searching for Answers
      April 23, 2014 at 9:04 am

      @ Maybe and Orchid and K

      Thank you for your comments here. I’m not sure which ones are for me. The insights and possibilities you mentioned, I’ve already considered. I guess I just needed someone to sound things out on and it helps when those people have similar experiences. I don’t know what triggered it, but at this moment I feel enlightened. Best of luck to you all.




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    12. orchid@searching
      April 23, 2014 at 1:39 pm

      Mine was to you but I called you a gardener =o). Can you tell me vaguely what you tried thus far? I mean phone calls? E-mail? In person? Did she tell you to fuck off? Have you done something to hurt her? I mean this could be something simple like you’re e-mailing to the wrong address to she has a protection order against you and you’re in denial. Trying to help is hard with limited info and me trying not to be invasive.




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    13. @orchid
      April 24, 2014 at 7:47 am

      I learned something recently that’s making me think more than ever that I was deluding myself into thinking there was a mutual connection with this person. Yes, delusion, I googled the psychiatric term. It absolutely floored me. The possibility that I was interpreting signs and signals not for me or that I was putting meaning where there was none seems even more likely now. It’s disconcerting.

      I hope it’s not, but there is no other explanation I find that fits the disconnect between how I saw things and my person’s reactions.

      To answer your question: messages and an attempted conversation or two. Avoided or ignored, all of them. Is there any possibility where that person feels the same, and would do this? I can’t think of any, as much as I try. Just the other day, I was thinking about going for broke and just spilling the beans. But with this possibility hanging in the air, I just can’t. Her reaction is also not because I was tending to the sunflowers while chasing the rose. My comment earlier was badly phrased, it’s not like that.

      I feel like a mess because of all this, but I’m not dangerous, I’m not a stalker and it’s not an obsessive love that I can’t walk away from if the person said “Fuck Off”. It’s not out of pride, but out of genuine respect for the person. I really do care. But delusion is possible. Let’s call it wishful thinking to lessen the sting a bit. I’m horrified at the possibility.




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    14. orchid@searching
      April 24, 2014 at 9:50 am

      Ok well like I said, if any part of that delusion is because you think they were talking to you here or any “connection” not of reality in the recent present, then yes I would suggest looking more into that particular psychiatric term.




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    15. orchid@author
      April 24, 2014 at 10:26 am

      @author. I want to apologize if you are a different person than @searching. I hate it when people start long dialogues on my letters so I’m sorry if this occurred here.




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    16. A weed
      April 24, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      Maybe you should try to judge his love by his actions towards you, not by what you think that he is trying to say to you. That would be more real, and less delusional. Some people make the mistake of assuming how someone may feel for them, despite all evidence to the contrary. Maybe it is a coping mechanism, to cushion pain but is a maladaptive one, non the less. This is the kind of delusion that tends to lead to stalking.




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    17. K
      April 24, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      Nah it’s flattering lol




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    18. @searching
      April 25, 2014 at 8:35 am

      Delusion is always possible on this website here.




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