it’s one am and i am up being haunted by this hour and the lack of your body in my bed just the same as i am every other night. i haven’t spoken to you in over ninety days. you haven’t called in two. because you’re with her. again. how messed up is it that i still know the nights another girl is in your arms and you still haven’t realized that that has been the problem all along? how am i supposed to answer the phone when you are doing all of the exact same things and every word other than sorry has slipped off of the lips i love so much that continue tracing bodies that aren’t mine? this day last year you met my mother for the first time. tomorrow last year you accidentally sent me a photo of the two of you. i cried for hours and still answered when you called. this year i won’t. i can’t. i need to stop entertaining the idea that you actually miss me the way that i miss you. and jesus i could scream at you for making me do all the hard work as always. making me be the one that doesn’t answer while you get to pretend to be in love with me. i hate you. i wish i hated you. i love you. always.
see you up there.