• I knew you

    by  • April 18, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 8 Comments

    And that’s why it had to be this way doesn’t it? My flaw is that I didn’t let myself see everything good and bad as it was happening for what it truly was. I reacted to all of this in such a way when even I wasn’t sure of my own feelings.

    People react to loss in various ways. That’s it. I used to wish I was like you. Sometimes I still do but nothing good ever came from me shutting down personally.

    I wish it wasn’t like this but you know I did everything possible to try to change it. You know.

    Maybe it turned out this way because you don’t care. Maybe it did because this was the one real consistent thing and it had to be pushed away to somehow remain. Maybe it’s because it’s hard to deal with a truth you feel you can’t change. Maybe it’s a combination of everything and nothing and you bury it.

    All I know is that I miss you sometimes. Thoughts of you anger me sometimes. Sometimes I’ll feel something that reminds me of you and I can’t swallow. But most of all I know I love you and accept all our past. And I would do it all over again. <—-you told me the same thing a long time ago once.

    I don't know if I'll ever see you again. One thing I know for sure is that one day you will want to. Even if it's just to see how I am. I just don't know if we'll ever want the same things at the same time.

    For what it's worth I miss you and I wish things were different. I wish you wanted them to be different too.

    8 Responses to I knew you

    1. britney
      April 18, 2014 at 11:06 pm

      …..I wish that you get your wish too author. Then again…..things might already be different….dont define things…just let things be as they are. Who said both of your wishes arnt matching??? In time dear one.

    2. mee
      April 19, 2014 at 1:44 am

      is that you matt?

    3. author
      April 19, 2014 at 10:37 am

      @Mee …no.

    4. Chitty
      April 20, 2014 at 4:44 pm

      Maybe they do.

    5. karriemeaway
      April 20, 2014 at 9:31 pm

      I wish they were different too!

    6. karriemeaway
      April 21, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      All my life I have tried to do the right thing. Act like a lady. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.
      Well, this time, if you so wanted me to leave a statement on this forum. Here goes.
      First of all, I am surprised that you came up with that many sentimental things to say all at once. I’m impressed babe!! and, I’m sure this post was intended to be used at a later day and time as to upset some poor unsuspecting girl into some jealousy fit, because after all, isn’t it just a rush to watch someone get so upset over you? Good luck with that now!!
      As for flaws, you don’t care if you see the good or bad in anything, remember, you is all there is, and you have no problem squishing any flaw, emotion, or feeling like a bug on a sidewalk. You are an equal opportunity bitch.
      Feelings, like the ones in your fingers? Because that’s the only ones I know of that you have, and you have to have been attached to something in order to feel loss. The only thing attached to you is your arrogance.
      Whether you wanted to be like me or not, I am not sure, but seems kind of pointless when it’s an impossibility. Just as much as it is for me to try and be you.
      I’ll have to admit you almost had me with the “Consistent thing and it had to be pushed away to somehow remain” . . . I’ll leave that ….. as is.
      And the only thing you are going to miss is the convenience of having someone be your “fall-guy” for any mistakes or errors along the way, and someone to run around behind their back all the while laughing at them, about them. Even to the point of taking them to the last place you were with your latest conquest, convincing them it’s the first time you have ever been there and it is such a magical place for the two of you.
      You have changed for me everything, absolutely everything. Even just taking a bath is mess-up now. And yes, I would do it over again, because of our relationship and who you are as a person I got the opportunity to find out who and what I am made of. Our relationship has opened my eyes, heart, and mind to places it never would have gone if not for you. It truly was like walking through hell and coming out the other side. I have many emotional scars, bumps, and bruises, but I definitely well be all right, hell, better than all right. I am awesome!
      I will miss you and probably wonder how you are doing, but you have to remember, no one gets out alive. Also, you know where to find me if you ever want to say you’re sorry.
      Take care of the kids and mom. They are people too.

    7. author@karrie
      April 21, 2014 at 7:06 pm

      Uh, I’m a woman and this is to a man. Don’t know what you are talking about here. Wow.

    8. karriemeaway
      April 22, 2014 at 10:02 am

      Sorry, Someone I know sent me this link to check-out? Whether this is you or it is not my response is the same. What in invertebrate!

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