• Struggling

    by  • April 17, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 1 Comment

    I don’t want to send this to anyone or really for anyone to read it but I need to write it.
    I went into a business partnership with a truly nice man about six months ago. We were both over stressed with our businesses and we do pretty much the same thing in slightly different geographic locations. He was very generous about splitting the ownership evenly although he clearly had a stronger business than I did. With my end of the business I inherited a very head strong twenty-five year old young woman who does a good job but is totally dismissive of me and makes me feel like crap on a daily basis. Today has been awful so I called my business partner to tell him I was struggling with it and he more or less told me that he thought going into business with me would be a mistake and that he had been warned I was very difficult to work with. It made me so sad. I have been crying for nearly three hours now and feel so stupid. I have employees that have worked with me for seven years that I know like and care about me but I can’t stop thinking about what my partner said. I wonder if I’m not who I think I am and that I am not worthy of being in my current position. I desperately want to just run away but I know I can’t do that. I feel betrayed. I feel devastated and broken. I need to work but I can’t focus. I feel like such a fool.
    I have suffered with depression since a mild head injury five years ago. Is this making me react more strongly? I don’t know. I just know that I don’t want to be here and I feel friendless and alone. I am taking some anti-depressants and I am grateful for that. Who knows how things would be if I felt any worse.
    I have always been driven by knowing that I can come into work every morning and look forward to finding creative ways of moving the business forward. Perhaps that’s not what I do. What do I do? What is my worth. Where the hell do I fit in?
    I’m exhausted, deflated. Trapped in my own pitiful state of misery. I guess it’s not even really important. I need to do something more relevant in this world. Something where I make others smile and know that I make a positive difference in their lives.

    One Response to Struggling

    1. B
      April 17, 2014 at 3:15 pm

      You can run away, if you want to, just like me. I can run away & start doing something else somewhere else without ever looking back, but I would never feel at ease with those actions, I need resolution & to say goodbye before I move on. If you are truly unhappy with your employment & need greater fulfillment in your career then it is time to think about how to move yourself forward to where you want to be. Maybe go back to school or take that risky loan to start your own nonprofit, whatever it is you really want to do, go for it. You might as well make the most of everything, especially when it all seems to be falling apart. As to your business partner, unprofessional to say the least, if this was a truly nice man he wouldn’t have said those sort of things, he would have offered words of understanding & encouragement instead. My advice is for you to stop and consider what you truly want out of life, to talk to the people you care for the most about what you think & feel, then repeat the process until you have determined a course of action for moving forward.

      Pursue happiness, nothing else is worth your time.

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