• you’re sick, but I love you

    by  • April 15, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Resentment • 0 Comments

    Dear Narcissistic Mother, I love you no matter what, unfortunately, you never instilled that feeling within me. It’s taken me most of my life to figure out that not everything is my fault, though admittedly I still feel the guilt of everything. No one would ever be able to imagine all the fucked up things you have done over a lifetime, don’t worry…your secrets will stay with me…or anonymous. I come to realize that you intervened with all my interpersonal relationships. Granted my choice of a man was not always perfect, it is my right to fail, besides…I refused to let my children grow up in a violent, abusive home. You didn’t do the same for us. I’m sorry grandma didn’t protect you, God rest her soul, but what in the fuck was wrong with her, she allowed the ripples to roll through the decades. I’m proud of my sister, even though I don’t have much of a relationship with her…I believe she maybe much better off without you. You had no right to ever yell at her husband. Your sick and twisted ways never cease to amaze me. Of course you would want me to get back with my ex, you could manipulate and control him, and you know I would never be happy with him. You don’t want me to be happy anyways. I never realized that was really your true intention. It kills me inside, but I have to learn to not take it personal, after all. You can’t help that you are sick. I hate feeling defeated, helpless, and hopeless. I pray God won’t condemn me to hell, and often times I feel everything would be better if I just wasn’t here. You’re right, I should have never been born.

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