• Unsaid Things

    by  • April 8, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 9 Comments

    I don’t hate you. I wish I did sometimes. I go through periods of loss, anger, self hatred, and keeping busy. But I don’t think I could ever hate you.

    I hate your actions. I hate the immature way you handle hurting other people. I hate questioning everything that happened and knowing you just shut down and don’t have to.

    What happened the years you were gone? What changed you into this completely apathetic and selfish person?

    9 Responses to Unsaid Things

    1. questions
      April 8, 2014 at 3:24 am

      Author, I have some questions. You don’t have to answer, if you don’t want to. What you say reminds me of someone and I would be interested in hearing your opinion.

      “I hate questioning everything that happened and knowing you just shut down and don’t have to.”
      How do you know that?

      “What happened the years you were gone?”
      Why don’t you ask them?

      “What changed you into this completely apathetic and selfish person?”
      How do you know that they are apathetic? Do you really know what happens inside of them?

    2. Life changes people.
      April 8, 2014 at 4:44 am

      Sometimes they get a harder shell.

    3. no
      April 8, 2014 at 7:49 am

      Why self hatred? You shouldn’t.

    4. thought things
      April 8, 2014 at 12:17 pm

      ” But I don’t think I could ever hate you.”

      Same here. Sometimes I wish I could hate my person, because it could make it easier to get away from them. Unfortunately I know that I can’t. There was a time when I was really upset and I managed to “hate” them in a way. In fact there was no logic reason to hate them and I blamed myself for going too far with my emotions, but in the end I think I was just upset with their way to handle things (distanced, extremely complicated, dominant and hesitant at the same time) and I asked myself. Do I really need this? When they don’t know what they want, when they decide to treat me like this, forget them. I don’t need this. There are other people who love me just the way I am. They are nice to me without making things complicated. And I really managed to forget them for a while. But they came back. In my dreams, when I was on the edge to change something in my life, vaguely in my perception of my potential future. I missed them, but it took long to recognize it as that. No matter what I did there was always something that I missed. Nothing got as intense and fulfilling as the time with them. And now I’m here on this damn webpage and tell strangers how I feel. How pathetic is that?

    5. author
      April 8, 2014 at 8:12 pm

      @questions- 1)I have been very communicative and when faced with questions regarding inconsistencies they are avoidant. A simple conversation is complicated to them now or something.
      2) I did. At the time they said that they weren’t certain but said it was due to their current situation.
      3)They have freely stated they have turned apathetic and have admitted to being selfish.
      4) No I’m not a mind reader and that’s why I ask them. They were very inconsistent, anxiety ridden, avoident, and less than truthful many times. Very different than they were before. Sometimes they were like they were before, but it was extreme changes in personality.

    6. Grapes
      April 9, 2014 at 4:14 am

      Every single person on this planet deals with their issues differently. There really is no right or wrong way to live your life. People learn from their experiences. You have a lot of judgement about someone you seem to care about. Maybe the solution is to have less judgement and talk to them. Why cant you talk to them? Is this your choice or theirs?

    7. questions
      April 9, 2014 at 2:05 pm

      Well, I know myself and I can only tell you from my own experience. When I feel that someone is inconsistent or holding back information I’m starting to get suspicious. It doesn’t take long and I get really upset. I can be someone else in an instant and sometimes I regret my impulsiveness afterwards. I know this won’t help you and I don’t know your person, but please allow me the sassy assumption: I think I can feel with both sides. Talking to each other is maybe not easy, but I wish you that you and your person will find a way to clear things. Best of luck to you, author!

    8. sigh
      April 11, 2014 at 11:53 am

      I wish I were a mind reader. It really would make things a whole lot simpler.

    9. author
      April 22, 2014 at 11:25 am

      @grapes- there is no judgment, just what occurred. I communicated clearly and effectively. They would double talk, actions did not match what they said. I would try to clarify and they would avoid. Sounds suspect right? If a person is completely inconsistent, what does that do but confuse? I told them I could no longer deal with it because they would say things that were hurtful to me. Over and over. Then they would say they didn’t mean it or minimize my feelings. So I told them I couldn’t deal with the treatment. They dropped contact. My only judgment call there is 1) they really are an asshole and any fear I had has been substantiated. 2) they feel they are doing me a favor by cutting contact and it also is easier for them to not deal with me. We have been friends for years so I reached out a couple times but they ignored me. So that tells me all I need to know. I don’t think it’s okay and they don’t seem to care. They did this to me before too so yeah, I know this was self inflicted and allowed them to do it again. I get it.

    Leave a Reply