• Dear J

    by  • April 7, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Love - Pure and Simple • 0 Comments

    Dear J,

    This past weekend was amazing on so many levels. It was incredible seeing someone I care about so much. Someone that I hadn’t see in a long time. It was wonderful dancing with you, laughing with you, eating with you, cuddling with you, and sharing love advice. It was unbelievable sexy sleeping with one of my best friends. This weekend reaffirmed why we are friends. It is the little things. The moments like “CAROL WAIT” or “damn my shoulders are sore” that make me love our friendship. Those looks you give me when I say something stupid, or make fun you. There is only one bad thing that happened this weekend with you. I broke my biggest rule. Can you guess what rule? I slept with someone I have feelings for. Truth is I love you. It took you laying in my arms, your breath hitting my chest, and you driving away to make me realize it. I think the first moment was back during winter break. I was dropping you off from helping me pick up my glasses. In the drive way we had a deep talk about, what I am assuming was, Casey. I hugged you then you got out of the car. But before you went inside you turned and kissed the window, leaving lip marks there for weeks. And when I rained later that month I was so sad. I know, I know, and I am sorry for doing exactly what I told you that neither of us could do, but I want you. I want you and I will do anything to have you. Anything to prove that I love you. Anything to show you that no one else on this earth can love you the way that I can. You want me to run across the country? I will do it without a second thought. You want me to swim across an ocean? I will do it, or die trying. (most likely the second, I am not a good swimmer) You want me to move to Germany? I already packed my bags. I will fight every man on this earth if that is what it takes. And when I am on the ground bloodied and beaten, I will stand and keep going until my bones break and my lungs give out. I want you. I don’t care about Casey or Drew or anyone else. The only person in my view is you. At the walk you were talking about long distance relationships. You said that if you wanted it bad enough that you would make it work. All I want to know is if you feel the same. If not, we will go back to being friends. I will drive myself into insanity for a while, but eventually one day my heart will callus. Then one day even further I will meet someone that will chip away the stone wall I put up around my heart. But before that day comes I will cherish and love every second with you as my friend. Every touch, every word, every text, every moment that our eyes connect. I hope this letter stirs something inside you. That you realize that you love me just as much as I love you, but to be honest that isn’t why I wrote this. I am not trying to convince you to love me. I just needed to tell you how I felt. I NEEDED to. No matter what happens with us, know I will always care for you and be here for you.


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