• I’m sorry I’m self-destructive

    by  • April 6, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    Jett,
    I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry you have some how been wrapped up in my messy and self-destructive life. I want to be everything you want in a girlfriend. I want to learn to be more optimistic instead of an extreme pessimist. I want to be able to hang out with your friends and not clam up. I want to be able to smile ALL THE TIME; not just when you say a fucked up depressing joke. I want to be able to show you I can be everything you have ever wanted in a girl. I am trying so hard to be that girl. I don’t just want to be the girl you want, I want to be the one you need.

    I am so sorry. The truth is I’m sad. I worry and give myself anxiety because I can’t deal with life sometimes. I look at the bad side of situations more often then the good side. I’m sad and I don’t always fit. I get anxiety when I’m around a big crowd of people that I’m supposed to be social with. I’m sorry I didn’t like your friend Jamie. I was threatened because she looks like the girl I could see you with. I was uncomfortable when I noticed she had huge tits, no bra, and a see through white shirt. She’s pretty, she’s punk, she’s got tattoos. I’m nothing like her.

    I second guess myself and my decisions more often than not. I’m scared. I’m so happy with you but for how long? How long do I have with you until you get sick of how depressed and sad I am? How long until you finally walk away? I’m happy for now, but what about later? I’m scared you’ll get up and walk out of my life and leave me worse than when we first met.

    I promised I would never let a man make it so I can’t function by myself. Then you came along. You have turned my life around and made my whole world go from black and white to color. You have taught me how to be happy and that it’s okay to be happy. You have taught me how to laugh and smile.

    I love everything about you. I love your smile and your laugh. I love laying in bed with you and waking up to you in the morning. I love when I can sit and listen to you sing and play guitar. I love that you’re so comfortable with yourself and you don’t care what people think. I love that you’re open with me and tell me when I do something that bothers you, even if it hurts my feelings. I love that you can put up with my bullshit. I love that you cleaned the toilet seat and changed into a nice shirt before I came over. I love when you show me you care.

    I love everything about you. Even down to the smallest bit. I love that you’re so optimistic about life and you love your family so much. I love that you’re a hopeless romantic.

    Everything about you pulls me in. It’s nice to find someone who understands me but sometimes I feel like I annoy you with all my problems.

    I want to be able to stand on my own and walk away from you because I feel like I’m bringing you down. I am addicted to everything about you. You make me happy and that scares me.

    I love the way you light up when a song you love comes on and you sing along. I love that you’re so passionate about Streetlight Manifesto and Joyce Manor. It’s the little things. I love that you picked me a fake flower when we went to sonic. You’re different and crazy and I love it.

    I’m sorry you are stuck with me. If you stay I promise to fall in love with you and show you everyday. I promise to try to be optimistic and smile more. I promise to be happy and look at the bright side of everything. I promise to be better for you. Please don’t go. I don’t know if I can handle you leaving. I’ve gotten so used to having you around that it’s weird when we go without talking.

    Please stay.

    You bring color into my black and white world.

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