Yesterday I came across the emails we had sent when I was in Europe that month after graduation. And then I found that letter you wrote when I got home. I am so sorry for everything I did, for all the hurt I must have caused and for how little I truly realized it then. I should have ended everything after that night you left me at the corner, I knew then that we wouldn’t work out but I didn’t have the corage to tell you then. I should have never faked it and told you that I loved you. As much as I wanted us to work, as much as I wanted to love you I didn’t, I care about you a lot and you saw me go through hell during that semester. But you also knew the best way to make the deepest cuts and I didn’t know any better to fight you on it.
If you were truly in love with me and really had never felt that way before I am so sorry for how much I hurt you. I think I finally got how much damage I might have done as I sat in my apartment waiting for the love of my life to get back, wearing all of his clothes, trying to finish up my work. I don’t regret the decision to date you or to end things, but I wish that I had ended everything before you said those 3 words, before I forced myself to say them back. I hope that you are happy with the girl you are dating. I really hope that she is everything that you could want. I hope she feels the way about you that I do about my boyfriend, I hope that she wants to give you everything and more because I know that I wasn’t that girl and everyone deserves to feel that.
If I didn’t think it would be the most selfish thing ever I would write you and tell you that I am truly sorry and the you have I right to be pissed with me, to hate me and that I don’t blame you. Oh if only you knew everything you would hate me even more. If you knew that I made out with 6 different guys in Europe all the time emailing you and telling you that I loved you, that I started talking to a guy the weekend after we officially broke up, that the night you posted pictures of us I had started sleeping with someone new without any strings or ties too, you would hate me even more.