• letting go

    by  • April 2, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Forgiveness • 2 Comments

    To the ex that cheated on me,
    i am sorry that you are not capable of commitment and true feelings. I’m not being facetious, i truly am sorry that your parents failed to provide you with a good example for how to love. i’m sorry that you do not have a strong enough moral compass to prevent you from lying and cheating. I’m sorry that it is so easy for you to hurt people. but i want to thank you. thank you for teaching me to trust my instincts and to listen to my gut. thank you for showing me that i do not need a relationship. thank you for showing me that i am far too wonderful for you to know how to love. thank you for teaching me not to settle in a relationship, thank you for teaching me how important it is to be with someone who respects me. thank you for the pain you caused me, and the abuse you inflicted upon me. it made me stronger than i knew i could ever be.

    to the girls that bullied me,
    i am sorry that you are so materialistic that you don’t know how to treat people. i’m sorry that your parents didn’t treat you the difference between right and wrong. i am sorry that you’ll be living this petty, dramatic life for a long time. i am sorry that you took your insecurities out on me. but i want to thank you. thank you for teaching me to keep going. thank you for teaching me that i can always endure more than i thought i could. thank you for showing me that i am a good person. thank you for showing me that good intentions and compassion are infinitely more valuable than beauty or material objects. perhaps you’re satisfied with shitty relationships and nice cars and clothes, but i need a life with sustanance and genuine happiness. i need good memories, rambling conversation, passionate relationships. i need to run around barefoot in the summer and still be a child, i need a life thats real. so thanks, thank you for teaching me that i’ll never be like you. and i’ll never want to be like you.

    to the people who caused me to (almost) kill myself,
    i am sorry that you don’t understand that everyone is fighting a battle. I’m sorry that no one taught you it is acceptable to tell someone to kill themselves. I’m sorry no one taught you its ok to tell someone they are crazy. i don’t have very much else to be sorry for you, however, because i almost lost my life that night. thank you, for showing me how much my family loves me. and that when i have no desire to live, i have the strength to keep pushing on. thank you for showing me that i can fight my depression, and i can fight even the most hostile, evil people. as much as i try, i’ll never forget that night or the days that followed. it scares the shit out of me to think that i wouldn’t be here right now, that i would’ve died nine months ago. to be so hurt and devastated and hopeless that one thinks the only solution is suicide, but to let yourself live is the bravest thing i have ever done. i learned that people are going to be cruel but especially at the hardest times, you NEED to remember all of the reasons you are happy to be alive. no matter how bad things are, there are so so so many more things in life that make me happy and make me so thankful I’m alive. thank you for teaching me this. thank you for showing me how much my family loves me. they will do anything for me, and will stop at nothing to protect me. i am finally happy, i am free from all of you. and i am so damn proud of myself.

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    2 Responses to letting go

    1. beautifully written
      April 2, 2014 at 11:23 pm

      You’re a lovely person.




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    2. sincere applause
      April 3, 2014 at 1:17 pm

      Fantastic and Congrats.




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