• Don’t complain.

    by  • March 31, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Abuse • 6 Comments

    So my friend.
    I tell you something now.
    As long as you don’t change the rules nothing will happen.
    Either you accept me the way I am or you don’t.

    I know I made mistakes.
    You made them too.
    You can set me under pressure. Give me ultimatums.
    It won’t help.

    I won’t play your game.
    Because – no matter what you say – it’s still a game.
    You know how I feel.
    You chose to be passive aggressive.

    I won’t let you manipulate me.

    Don’t complain.

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    6 Responses to Don’t complain.

    1. ugh
      April 1, 2014 at 7:11 am

      Passive-aggressive behavior is crazy making. Assertive people + passive-aggressive people (sometimes) = stuck. I’m on the assertive side of the spectrum. Sometimes assertive people can be perceived as controlling and or stubborn. Not saying you are, just sharing my experience. If the passive-aggressive person isn’t doing so purposely , but out of fear, it is still possible for a positive outcome. I believe in “no games” mentality. But others may perceive it as “confrontational”, and that’s scary for a passive-aggressive. Not sure if this makes sense for you/ just trying to help. Good luck.




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    2. author
      April 2, 2014 at 1:36 pm

      @ugh

      Thank you for your thoughts. What you say makes sense. In my case it’s complicated, because it’s not that unambiguous. I can’t say that they aren’t assertive. Right now I perceive them as passive-aggressive. Maybe they perceived me as that before (Not my intention, but they couldn’t know. Particularly in combination with them I’m not uncomplicated either and I’m still trying to find out why that is.) and that’s now their revenge. Maybe, but I don’t know. I wouldn’t claim that I’m always assertive, but I can be and I’m extremely allergic of attempts to manipulate me.




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    3. ugh
      April 2, 2014 at 11:49 pm

      @author, wouldn’t it be nice to just “be” whoever we are and not worry if they are thinking revenge, being passive-aggressive, etc? Just to be confident in oneself and just really be able to say and feel, ” hey, I ‘whatever’ you and it’s totally okay if you don’t reciprocate because I’m fine regardless”?

      The being sensitive to certain things such as possible manipulation I understand. I was in a relationship once with someone who had a bit of a control issue. It stemmed from bad self-esteem. They would do these little manipulative things that put me on guard and I became almost emotionless.

      If you’re not 100% sure about any negative intent what about giving the person the benefit of the doubt? (Unless of course all your internal warning sirens are going off like crazy.)

      Good luck.




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    4. @ugh
      April 7, 2014 at 8:08 am

      “@author, wouldn’t it be nice to just “be” whoever we are and not worry if they are thinking revenge, being passive-aggressive, etc? Just to be confident in oneself and just really be able to say and feel, ” hey, I ‘whatever’ you and it’s totally okay if you don’t reciprocate because I’m fine regardless”?”

      Normally yes, but it’s a bit more complicated here because of their rules.

      My internal warning sirens are going off like crazy. I have someone in my family who is used to manipulate others and make you feel bad no matter how much you care. In the end it is never enough. You are always the asshole. In fact it seems like the more you care the worse it gets. It’s an awful situation and somehow this reminds me of that. So maybe it’s me and I’m overreacting, but I have a real blockade to follow this path.




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    5. ugh
      April 7, 2014 at 3:43 pm

      I have a parent who (hate using this term due to overuse) was extremely narcissistic in her methods of raising me. It led to me having issues in relationships where I would unconsciously sabotage them (relationships). Complete self-defeating behaviors, etc. I would push people away when my radar went off. It was very hard for me to trust.

      The person I ended up with was very laid back; patient to a fault. But that’s what it took. It was easy and effortless.

      The person I was in love with prior to this relationship I completely trusted and ironically turned out to be exactly like my parent. Warning signals can fail.

      “Rules” you say? Sounds like bullshit. If someone told me I had to follow “rules” (unless they were taking it slow like a courting thing or religious reasons), I’d tell them see ya! Rules sounds like someone is married. That is my first instinct. If so run in the opposite direction. If I’m way off sorry.




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    6. @ugh
      April 8, 2014 at 11:10 am

      I can understand your reaction. The subconscious mind is something you don’t recognize until you meet someone who makes it visible to you. The more I think about this the more I “analyze” people around me and their potential influence on me. I think it’s also a natural instinct to find people attractive who have something in common with one parent.

      So in case your parents were not good for you, you maybe search automatically for the wrong partner (that’s not the issue in my situation, but I can imagine). I guess in that case you have to make a conscious decision to choose someone you are maybe not instinctively (subconsciously) attracted to. Or maybe you need to fail with one person to achieve a change of your subconscious mind? Following this logic you had to fail with your previous partner to be able find your current…

      Yes, maybe you are right with the rules. I don’t know.




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