• I need a friend…

    by  • March 30, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Friends • 4 Comments

    I wish I wasn’t me.
    Not that I don’t love who I am, I do.
    I love that art can bring up an achy, fluttery feeling in my chest that I can’t get enough of.
    I love that my perfect day would be spent on a cozy couch in deep conversation with a kindred spirit.
    I love that I am sarcastic and witty.
    I love that I have a gift of seeing through the masks people live behind and have the opportunity to peek at their soul, whether they like it or not.
    I love that my thick body has cushioned curves that keep me warm and comfortable.
    I love that music can make me feel like it is literally pulling at the strings of my heart.
    I love that my artist hands can create the perfect brushstroke of eyeliner.
    I love the depth of my thoughts.
    I love the beauty I am capable of creating.
    I love how stubborn I am on keeping my life private, classy, and mature.
    I love that I am well known for my drive and motivation to succeed in everything I do.

    I am great.

    But I am so lonely.

    You wouldn’t think so.
    I’m married.
    I have a best friend.
    I am well known in my community.
    Everyone talks about how friendly and outgoing I am.

    But I haven’t found that person who gets me.
    Who encourages me when I’m “working too hard” instead of trying to convince me to slow down and take it easy.
    Who finds my need for an immaculate house to be endearing, not obnoxious.
    Who likes to make observations with me about culture, music, art, stereotypes and anything else that comes up in conversation.
    Who loves to learn with me about anything because it doesn’t matter what it’s about, it’s learning.
    Who understands the pain I feel living in a crude, selfish world.
    Who..gets..me.

    I hate being rare.
    I want to have that someone who I can talk to so I don’t feel like I’m alone in this.

    My friends “tolerate” my conversations or rants about life, music, and art.
    They roll their eyes when I talk about what new things I want to learn and become good at.
    They say I’m “too proper” when I don’t laugh at crude humor and think I’m crazy when I want to keep my private life..private..

    I’m not uppity.
    I’m not proper.
    Why do I have to feel like I’m fifty years older than my friends?

    This does not make me feel cool, or unique or mature.

    It makes me feel unbearably alone.
    Unbearably.

    And I am scared and alone.
    I just need a friend.

    Related Post

    4 Responses to I need a friend…

    1. R
      March 30, 2014 at 1:07 pm

      🙁




      0



      0
    2. R
      March 30, 2014 at 8:29 pm

      You are very special dear and you have some friends to share them with you.I know.I just know. I feel so small when I see you and all ths shits Ive done so far…true..I did it all because I hate this unfair world and why is that?I You have so many things I don’t have.You traveled to otjer countries but I ve never ever been out of my coutry.You know I ‘ve got my eyes on you by hacking and spying on you24/7. I want to know you and I will never let you go.I am so jealous when you talk with your friends. Look at me. Look at poor me who is so desperate for your attention.no matter how many times you change passwords or creates new accounts you are upon tje hand of me. Ahahaha -Richard




      0



      0
    3. R
      March 30, 2014 at 8:30 pm

      You are very special dear and you have some friends to share them with you.I know.I just know. I feel so small when I see you and all ths shits Ive done so far…true..I did it all because I hate this unfair world and why is that?I You have so many things I don’t have.You traveled to otjer countries but I ve never ever been out of my coutry.You know I ‘ve got my eyes on you by hacking and spying on you24/7. I want to know you and I will never let you go.I am so jealous when you talk with your friends. Look at me. Look at poor me who is so desperate for your attention.no matter how many times you change passwords or creates new accounts you are upon tje hand of me. Ahahaha -Richard




      0



      0
    4. Gwen G
      March 31, 2014 at 12:52 am

      Hello
      I just thought you should know that your letter, not all aspects of it but a majority, described my own feelings, worries, fruastatons and sometimes despair. Your letter spoke truths to me that I have been trying to ignore. Unsuccessfully.
      Thank you for writing it. It has helped me sort the thoughts in my head and give me a courage to start down a different path. I have no clue if it will be better or worse but hell, I’m trying.
      Alone hurts and just plain sux. I’m not sure if knowing you have a kindred spirit out there helps you. Just don’t give up and don’t feel disparaged. Keep learning and especially about yourself. Keep looking for the one that gets you bc you will probably find it in unsuspecting places. I am also taking all this hope and optimism and praying I’m not wrong. Here’s to not letting the darkness win today.
      I hope I said something that made you feel a tad better
      Friend




      0



      0

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *