I’m starving myself.
I hate the way I look, I hate the way I feel.. so I starve myself. If I don’t wake up dizzy or light headed, I don’t eat the rest of the day. If I eat anything bad or unhealthy, I take a laxative, or force myself to throw up.
This isn’t who I want to be. I don’t want to do this. But I can’t stop. I love feeling empty because it feels like home. I love feeling weightless because I have been carrying burdens my entire life. I can’t control the way people look at me or judge me, but I can control what I do with my body.. And I hate what I’m doing.
My mom and step mom are worried about me. My mom started crying. I am hurting the ones I love for my own selfishness. I hate this feeling.
I’m going to change. I am going to start slow and do things healthy for now on. I can’t imagine me not able to have kids because I was so concerned about how others looked at me. I can’t imagine my funeral being within the next 5 years.
I need to change. I want to change.
If you are starving yourself, or think you arent good enough.. Stop thinking like that. You are beautiful. Inside and out. You are BEAUTIFUL.