• Well, I’m here A are you?

    by  • March 27, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 2 Comments

    ok, here goes,

    I am on the verge of leaving this state. Today was the first time I read a letter that almost seemed it was from you dear A. Although my friend though it was from her S… Guess it’s possible that it is for neither one of us. Really this is all wishful thinking, and damm it can make you sick if you’re not careful. So, here it is. I went back trying to see if you were ever here, and from time to time, I almost thought you were, but I think it was a more hopeful thought than anything else. Than again, there may be a 1% chance, and I could almost live with that.

    After I never heard back from you, I shut myself down emotionally. All I wanted was to even see a text from you last month but it never came. Guess I really was replaced, and in less than 6 months. I almost wondered what they had that I didn’t… But, truth be told, they have nothing more than me… Perhaps less. I don’t care though… In the long run, someone will appreciate me for the warmth and understanding that I have. Even that talents that I can offer, which you know what one of them is… Who knows if you really care though…? May be not…

    The person we went to told me that if we could make it work somehow, we would have been the perfect couple. Somehow we knew each other, and we seemed to have had a soul mate connection…. I mean you picked her… But after a while, and all the countless sources and thousands of dollars I spent trying to get over you, I came to the conclusion of acceptance about what the hurdle was. Some how all I wanted to do, is fight for you, and not give up. I want to prove these people wrong… I even flew to MA to hear someone tell me there is little hope, I almost refuse to believe what they told me. Who knows though, they are probably right, and I am still in denial about you…

    I mean, knowing that someone has slept in the same spot I used to, let alone the other things I know of… Funny thing is, I don’t care, because somewhere deep down I keep believing in you. I know you are so much better bigger and stronger than you think. Am I wrong to believe that? Probably so… But… I’m hanging on to hope and this is the last stretch… than I leave this place, and not with you:( I hate myself for giving away my heart to someone who didn’t want it. But, may be there is hope before what little time runs out. Give me a sign… throw mw a clue… Something I can almost cling to… Here’s your clue, the last word from you was I ok, or maybe it was K.

    I’m not weak, I pulled my shit together. The last couple weeks before you left me; it may not have seemed like it, but allowing myself to appreciate you for who you were and love you for you, gave me insane ego strength… I wanted to do anything and everything for you, for us… Like the words of the song: Rocketeer, by Bruno Mars. I almost thought we could conquer this town and the world. Who knows, I may have to leave you behind and continue on my own… Tell me that we can make it work. Throw me a bone before its too late…

    This is the Second letter, second reply. I’ll end it by saying I hope to hear from you ——-. (that’s not your name either)

    2 Responses to Well, I’m here A are you?

    1. K
      March 27, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      Perhaps you’re not here, but I wish you were….

    2. Would you still
      March 27, 2014 at 10:18 pm

      given minor miscalculations of placement?

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