Love…it fades. It may not ever truly go away, but it fades. The longing to have to be next to that person, to have to be touching that person, to have to be with that person, you can live without it. I’m living proof.
I do believe in soul mates. I do believe they exist. I met mine. It was magical, it was beautiful, it was every dream you have as a little girl about your Prince. He didn’t have to have all the money in the world because he was the treasure. This was “the one”. We couldn’t get enough of each other, we were in fantasy land with marshmallow clouds and every day was sunny. Then it stopped. Drama kicked in. Heartache, confusion, despair. Back and forth. Fear…Push and pull, kick and fight until….nothing. Air…quiet. Calming, empty quiet. Did I imagine it? Perhaps. If you ask him, he will say yes, it was all in my head. It wasn’t though. The feelings were real and life altering. I do believe in soul mates. I also believe that sometimes soul mates aren’t meant to be.
I’m not a desperate woman. I have had my choice in partners and I know that I’m good. I know that I can make poor decisions, but doesn’t everybody? I know that my face is not ugly, my body..although not perfect, I’m happy with what the good Lord gave me. Love…Love can turn the strongest, the prettiest, the most “put together” woman into a desperate mess if her heart is ripped out and she is left with a fleshy, gaping exposed open wound. I don’t want love like that. I don’t ever want a love like that again.
The fantasies of the Prince and the accepting of the person that I am in entirety is warm and welcoming at times, the dreamer in me, for the most part is gone. I’ll have the fairy tale ending without all the “feelings”. There are many different versions of love. Maybe what’s right for others is not right for me. Actually, I know it’s not.
I don’t want a love like that again. I don’t want a love that hurts.