• My dear friend

    by  • March 24, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Goodbye • 0 Comments

    I really felt to write to you today. I really need you now. Everything is so difficult without you. I am thinking of all the things that has happened since the day you left our world behind. I am living a totally different life now, but I still fell like the same person I was with you. I am just not able to show it. Life isn`t easy, but it works. Everything continues, but I am at the same place. Angelica is getting bigger, almost 3 years old. My sister has cancer and Kim keeps on nagging. I am so tired. I wish a had listened to you and chosen Henry. Suddenly I can understand what you meant by saying: I could have gone back home, but it would never be the same. Since I am different now. I am feeling the exact same way. I just visited your grave a couple days ago. Haven`t been there much, but I know you`d understand. You are not there, you are in my thoughts, my heart, your things and in the picture on my wall. Just really wished to hold you one last time. Given you the last hug again. But I would never let you go. It would leave my praying just for one more. What if we could get one last party, just the to of us?We should`t drink martini smoothies, but champagne;) I would teld all about all the stuff that has happened since you left. We should have laugh, turned up the music and laid down at the couch real tight and whispered secrets to each other like we always did. Maybe we had played nickelback on repeat all night like last time:P I can never forget new years eve. It was fantastic, just because you were there. Wish I could see the firework, just one more time with you. You dont know how much I am thinking. On everything that was, and everything there is now. How would life have been if you was still here? Would we followed our dreams or would they get changed by time? We should live in the biggest city in the country, have beautiful children with big blue eyes. Ironically the most special with my daughter was her big blue eyes when she was born. We should have seen the world together. We planned travelling to new york, denmark and gran canaria. Well I`ve done it all. But I had to do it all alone. Its so unfair. The two promises I made you the last day in the city, I made it but it took some time. It wasen`t easy. Know you wanted me to fell in love with Henry, well he visited me a few weeks ago. I know you would have cheered. It was actually really nice. I cant even describe that safety feeling I got with him. Just to see a movie and lay in his arms again with my head on his chest. In that moment everything felt into place and I thought: This feel so right! But if it gets more serious is hard to say. I don’t feel a romantic way with him, but then again it might change. Its so strange how everybody moves on, but I am still locked in the past. We just got the message that the doctors dont know if my sister will survive or not. But I am still keeping cool because I have already lost you. I know that it never get better, never getting over it and that life never will be good again. But time pass and on the outside everything seems untaught . I will make it, now matter how it ends since you have thought me what real strength are. You learned me so much of the hard life and the street life best-friend<3 Together we can do everything. Hope to the death and beyond still counts! Love you my girl<3

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