I fell hard for you. I miss you everyday. I wanted to be with you and then it got weird again. My mind is damaged. I still don’t know how to think of all of this. Why you have weird effects on me. Why I got so immature. Who I am. What dreams I have now – maybe similar to you. Everything got confused. I’m sick and worried, scared and sad – maybe as you are. Now I have to step away for my own health, need to save myself first – as you need to do too. It doesn’t make sense the way we tried (if we tried at all? or if I deluded myself??). If it was meant to be it will be.
Still don’t know what this was all about and why it happened here. Too many contradictions and different intentions. Feels like the Trueman Show. I got to know the different “yous” (whoever they were…). I did not invent this game. You did everything to not have a conversation and that should have said it all. But that’s logic and that’s something that doesn’t apply when it comes to us. It takes two for tango.
I’m exhausted and I know that it will get worse when I don’t step away now. So, my first goal is to step away for one month to heal and clear my head (04/20). Hopefully I will be strong enough to do so. I’m not trying to come back earlier. If you want to talk to me, please do it directly or come and see me or let it be. I’m worried about you and this makes me extremely nervous, creates a knot in my stomach, but I can’t do anything from here and with the restrictions you invented. Still can’t decide, if I got fooled and what your real intentions were. If everything was clear in the beginning or if it changed with every interaction. Maybe I will never know.