• Forgivness is so hard.

    by  • March 17, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Cheating • 1 Comment

    Today, I noticed that my heartbeat is different. Now that I’ve uncovered your secrets. It’s swollen and somber, and drags on like a sad song. Writing is to my soul, what a tear is to my eyes. A release of the darkness inside. I’ve done nothing but love you… You don’t deserve it. Today I’m everything, but 4 days ago I was not worth it. How can you change feeling like that so quickly? How can you love me, but want her all in the same thought? I almost gave you a child, we lost her to your arrogance. We lost her– Jupiter Rune, because of your lies. Because of your obsession with being something you’re not. Do you even realize that I’ve stuck beside you, and dried your tears, nursed you back to health, wrapped you in God’s Love– it STILL wasn’t enough. How can one person destroy something they didn’t even help build? You say you love me, my hair, my body– you’re so attracted to me. But you spent a night away with another while I crumbled to the ground on your behalf. Worried sick, sickly in love. You came to my side in the morning.. I wasn’t there inside. The damage had already began. Knowing that you were not giving me the entire truth, I still made you tea and turned on the news. I still held you close, and I still loved you.

    My god how you so do not deserve it.

    But here I STILL am, trying to love you anyway. Trying to forgive you, trying to help you pull out the real you.. that I KNOW, that I BELIEVE is there.

    No one has hurt me more than you, and no one ever will.

    Divinity, Please. Help me forgive. Help me love. Help me be my higher self. I feel so sad, and I can’t ignore it. Please, help me understand.
    It’s tearing me in half. My thoughts, and feelings.

    It’s really hard to swim in these stormy waters. I feel like I’m on the brink of drowning in the pain. Just, allowing it to grab me, and keep me. But I can’t allow the night in. I’ve got to follow the light. I’ve got to follow the LOVE.

    One Response to Forgivness is so hard.

    1. Dee
      March 18, 2014 at 2:07 am

      I’ve been walking around for four years feeling exactly like this. I couldn’t have described my thoughts and feelings any better, if I had written them myself. They, most assuredly, wouldn’t have been said so beautifully. Thank you!

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