• Afraid and worried

    by  • March 16, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Fear • 5 Comments

    I feel like a terrible person.

    My boyfriend’s best friend is one of his ex-girlfriends. She’s really great, i love her and her and I have become friends because of him. He and I have been together for 9 months with no issues. But recently I’ve been feeling very insecure around her. They hang out a lot, late at night, by themselves in his bedroom.

    I trust him, I love him. He isn’t the jealous type, but clearly I am and I have a very vivid imagination. It runs wild and I can’t help but think of things and then I get scared and all I want to do it cry.

    Last night his best friend got kicked out/ran away from home. She texted two people: her boyfriend and my boyfriend. Her shitty boyfriend didn’t respond right away, but mine did. I know they’re friends, but he picked her up and brought her home and she almost slept over and I’ve just been freaking out all by myself worrying about it.

    I want to talk to him about it, but I want to do it in person because I don’t want to fight over the phone if it comes to that.
    I’m afraid if I say something he’ll think I’m accusing him. Or he’ll be upset that I think like this. I don’t want to fight. I love him. I’m just scared and I don’t know what to do.

    I know I should talk to him about it, but I don’t want him to think that I don’t trust him or I don’t like her. I just don’t like them alone together.
    I feel insecure because she’s pretty and funny and she knows what she wants to do with her life. I’ve never thought I was pretty until he told me I was. And I’m only funny because that’s the only thing I know how to do. And I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

    I just want him to hug me and tell me everything is okay.

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    5 Responses to Afraid and worried

    1. Anon
      March 16, 2014 at 7:35 pm

      I understand where this is coming from and the fact is, there needs to be a confrontation. (not the bad kind)I feel it is also important to say that I’m male and had this similar event with a past girlfriend of mine. (just for perspective sake)

      There needs to be an understanding conversation between you two. With every girlfriend I have had I set up a phrase that lets both of us know there needs to be a chat where we put aggression and any negative feelings aside and let each other speak without fear of retaliation. My phrase I use and let them use is ‘Honey, I’m not happy in this relationship’. This sets the tone of a serious conversation to try and make it a good relationship.

      However this is about you, not me (just thought the tip might help for future reference). Let him know you two need to have a serious conversation where no one gets upset. DO NOT tell him this prior to the conversation. It makes people think bad things are about to happen. Open the conversation when you two are already relaxing together.

      When you get to the point of conversation make sure to avoid using words that put blame onto him, or his ex.

      A popular conversation ‘dance’ is to keep with the form of “When you do [something], I feel [something”

      Example:

      “Boyfriend, When you and your ex spend so much late night private time together, I feel insecure and uncertain of what is happening. And while I trust you it doesn’t help anxiety that I have about the relationship both of you have.”

      Also it is not an unreasonable request to ask him to change times of the hanging out. and placement to a place where there isn’t….. a comfy bed?

      Make sure he knows that his and her’s interactions with each other are something you feel should be shared between you two instead and that he can still hang out with her, but in a more appropriate setting.




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    2. Kristina
      March 16, 2014 at 8:55 pm

      Your boyfriend is with you because he loves YOU. He may get along really well with his ex, but they are not together anymore for a reason. Ask him what broke them apart so that you know why it can never work between them again. If he is a reasonable person he will understand why it makes you uneasy that they are alone together so much. Don’t display your insecurities about yourself when you confront him, just let him know what bothers you. I happen to be great friends with my ex and there are no romantic feelings anymore whatsoever. Just talk with him to get that reassurance. You two sound like a wonderful couple and I wish you the best of luck.




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    3. Me
      March 16, 2014 at 11:50 pm

      He’s feeding her the d




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    4. Sarah
      March 17, 2014 at 2:21 pm

      I personally see no reason why an Ex should be taking an active part in your life, if you are uncomfortable with it. Don’t necesarilly confront him but definately communicate your feelings and he should be sensitive to that. I would never keep the company of an ex unless my partner was 100% comfortable with it, and I expect the same empathy in a similar situation. It is well known, that in many cases Ex girlfriends that tend to want to hang around rarely have good intentions in the first place. They do it in the hope that they can manipulate him or compete with you. So why take that shit?




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    5. sassy las
      March 19, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      Just ask him to ditch the bitch or you are outa there. Easy as that. Call me arrogant, but it works.




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