There are so many things on my heart right now that I would love to share with you. I know your gone. It’s hard to know all of that and to wish that you were still here with me. I miss you. I wish with all my heart that we could have been together, but I guess that I just wasn’t worth fighting for in your eyes. I know that I’m a woman worth fighting for and I know that I had my problems, but you chose to walk away. I didn’t come here tonight though to talk about how you left. Instead I want to share with you my heart.
I can picture you coming home right now and walking through the door to greet me after work. I can picture you coming up behind me and putting your arms around me gently and telling me how much you love me. I imagine that you sit down on the coach with me and we just talk about something funny that happened at work or how you were struggling with a new project that you were working on. I can imagine our baby sleeping peacefully upstairs next to our bedroom. You would walk into the room and gently place a kiss on his forehead. Yes. We would have a boy. After supper we’d change into our pajamas and you would turn on your night lamp next to the bed and we’d sit and read right next to each other. You would read a sports magazine and I would be reading a biography. My stomach would grumble and you would look at me and shake your head, because I know how much that annoys you. I’d sheepishly laugh and try and burrow deeper into the covers. Slowly we both would eventually go to sleep and in the middle of the night wake up to kiss each other and hold each other and…..well should I go further? I want to wake up in the morning and watch your face and every curve of your chin, nose, and forehead. I want to memorize every part and to know that you are my husband and I love you. I want to hear you brushing your teeth before breakfast and tapping the toothbrush on the sink before you put it away. I want to watch you get dressed and admire your broad shoulders and lean body. I want to reach up and kiss you on the lips and say have a good morning at work hon and walk off happily to get my shower. I can imagine going over finances together and quarrelling over how much we should pay and how much we should save and then making up by hugging each other tightly and saying that we’re sorry. I can imagine how wonderful our life would be together and all the things that we would do. But most of all I would love you with every beat of my heart and every breath that I would take.
The truth is I want all of those things and more. I want to be with you. I want to hold you. I want to tell you how much I love you and wake up in the morning knowing that through all the trials and challenges along the way we are meant to be together. Somehow I wish you would come back and fight for me….for us.
Heartbreaking as it is you will never know about this letter.
Forever thinking of you until the sunrises until the sun sets,