• What you wanted to know. N.

    by  • March 12, 2014 • * Safe for Work *, Acceptance • 2 Comments

    Dear “friend”.
    I know what I did and it was wrong we didn’t speak for a long time till I decided to accept my mistakes and I worked hard you know it… All this time I really don’t know even if I have feelings for you I don’t know, it’s just funny to see how you lied to me but I didn’t justify my mistakes yet you sleep like a baby doing what I did, and I’m over her, I am in a new chapter of my life but still, it feels so wrong when you say I am your best friend still above all but alienate me like a monster but you accept them who don’t know you or share stories with you, you make me feel invisible even when I am right in front of you, and I shouldn’t feel this way… I simply paid and I am still paying for my mistakes but maybe you don’t see it that way and I’ve told you a thousand times the things that bothered me and didn’t feel good, but you didn’t do anything not even pretend to care but then you dare to ask me what is wrong with me, isn’t it obvious maybe you thought it was jealousy maybe I just felt alienated seeing as I came back in your life recently and I know everything is a process but processes involve progressing which is something you don’t do, and maybe it’s not you it’s me but you tend to make me disappear, you have such a great and beautiful heart but no one is perfect and I am no one to judge. I just sort of thought more of you knowing how I told you that your honesty amazed me, even though you said you don’t talk to him in a long time and even though were just friends and you even said you didn’t like him how come your the first to comment on him please don’t expect me to eat your bullshit, I will always look at you as a friend but this that I felt that I wasn’t sure is going to turn into nothing, because what’s lost on the road never comes back, I explained to you multiple times you probably just didn’t care simply came with your BS about how I am more than them, how my friendship is above theirs, but you don’t do what you say. You simply alienate me without even knowing because you are just so used to it, and I am a person of patience but I’ve told you multiple times and you have simply chosen to ignore me I am sorry but this is simply me not caring anymore, I am closing everything to you, my emotions, my feelings, to see if you even tend to notice, but know this : I told you I was gonna change, don’t expect me to be the same person I was. Always and Forever know I’ve tried. I am more proud of myself than ever on these moments I have proven myself even though you think otherwise, I know we’ve been friends for more than 14 years but you simply chose to alienate me for my mistakes in the past, someone who has truly forgiven me wouldn’t even think about them anymore and I get were just friends but I am deeply sorry.
    And what I will always wonder is why were you so indifferent with me, when you yourself have said you have forgiven me and that our friendship is worth more than theirs but you ignore me in my face to go him, I deeply apologize but I am nothing more than a simple gentleman I apologize. But I am no more who I was.

    2 Responses to What you wanted to know. N.

    1. N
      March 13, 2014 at 2:29 am

      I wish this is from someone I knew. For me, and I don’t know your situation at all, cutting off people from your life, is a huge way of coping and not letting anyone in. Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I wish the best of luck to you.

    2. ch
      March 13, 2014 at 8:16 pm

      YEP. CH

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