I looked at your picture, and realized that I still have really strong feelings for you.
Sometimes I wonder if I love you – if that’s even truly possible within only a few months. Certainly, I still think I’m infatuated, especially now.
But you know what? I think I still do hold back… I hold back b/c we’re not going out.
My feelings are confused sometimes… Not sure of whether or not I should still be hurt. Sometimes, I think I am…
I remember our NY’s together. I look back on our pics, and see how good we looked… I love how you held me. Really, I did.
You held me like I was yours, and treated me as such… I really liked that.
And I think… I think… I might… Maybe like to try that again…
But I wonder how you feel… I wonder what you think about all of this…
We’re still intimate on the regular, yes (or as regular as we can get), but I won’t bring this emotional issue up b/c I think that you still might feel the same way… And I’m afraid of getting hurt.
So, I guess we’ll just have to leave the big elephant in the room, and it’ll continue to follow us until/unless we address this issue (or at least, unless/until you bring it up).
We’re still intimate, so in that sense, we’re “us”. But I still miss “us” (and also, I think that I am now ready for “us”).
And I’m sorry… I’m sorry for being all emotional.
I hope that this doesn’t screw things up. Hopefully I can build an internal wall strong enough around this issue so that you don’t sense it.
Anyway, I’m missing you right now.
Missing your kisses.
Hopefully we can see each other Friday, or sometime this weekend.
*oh, btw – yes, my code name for you is Loverboy. All of my friends (at school or our workplace) know that I refer to you as Loverboy. Haha.