I hate you with all of my being, I love you too… I am sad, angry, lonely and hurt. You destroyed much of my life. I gave up school for you, a childfor you, a family for you, endless amounts of joy and courageous amounts of happiness. I lost friends over you, good boyfriends and most of my thirties to you… Or at least what it feels like.
I gave up so much for you because you were the love of my life. And you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing because I know that feeling now. I know what it is like to love someone more than yourself, so much so that you would literally die for that person. I know what love feels like, the kind of love that they make movies about.
You are a toxic person. I know that now after so many painful, hard lessons. I have given a lot of thought to why I would be with you and tolerate so much. I am a lot like you. I have a lot of darkness within me. I amcapable of a lot bad things, some of which are worse than what you are capable of doing. I am not proud of this. I am stronger than you, I mever thought I would say this.
Yes, it was your darkness I fell in love with as much as your goodness. It is scary for me to admit that. Alas, finally the truth.
I left because I knew we would destroy each other. I left for my own peace of mind. Because no matter how strong I am, no matter how dark I can be, I am a good person with a good soul. It takes light to illuminate the dark.
I see you are now; cold,ppathetic and alone.I see the real reasin you hung onto me… Because you could never take what was mine. Ultimately, I was stronger than you and I would not give up who I was for you- I would not give you my soul.
I still miss you though. No one knew me, my darkness, better than you. Now that you are gone, it has almost ceased to exist. You were/are my second half.
Now you are gone forever. I will miss you.
I want to experience true love, the gentle, enduring kind
I want to have a child. To be genuinely happy mosto the time. To marry someone that loves me. To be healed and whole. To be healthy.
God, I love you. I wish you had chosen to take my hand, to be healed and to live in serenity and peace. Instead you chose to stay as you are, when you could have had everything.
I still have the stone for the ring you gave me. The symbol of our love. I never did throw it into the ocean. And when I am strong enough, I am going to turn into a ring that symbolizes strength, nature and the home you always were to me. I will wear it every day, even if I am no longer your wife. You were a huge part of my life, you shaped and changed me. Forever. Like waves crashing on the beach changing eachgeachgrain of sand. My life will never be the same.
I am so sorry… I miss you. I will be better off with out you.