This is for you. The only person who I have loved, who I love and will forever love. I am not very good with speaking these words out loud and I wish I could say more to you than the words I am able to form.
4 years we were together. It seems like ages ago when we first met. You were the quiet boy in the back of the classroom, and me the girl who had never seen you around before. There was something about you that made me want to get to you know. How nervous I was striking up a conversation, when I looked into your eyes.
You became my best friend. The person who I could tell anything to… my dreams, my fears. I was yours, and you were mine. My whole heart, my whole world.
And then we started to grow up.
Gone were the days that we could stay up late talking about nothing, spend an entire day together. We could hardly stand being in the same room together. All the fighting, the arguing, all because of the resentment that I clung to with dear life. I was so angry at you for growing up without me, not including me in the plans that you were making. So I made the decision to start on my own, to make my own plans. Without you in my life.
I should never have let you go, and it was the hardest thing that I have ever done. I don’t think you will ever understand why, but for my sanity I could not stay. I needed the time to let my wounds heal, the hate that stayed inside me for so long. Too long, because you found someone else.
I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I can’t close my eyes without picturing you two together. You told me that when I get back home from school, if we are both single, you would want to give us another shot to be together. What I don’t understand is why you’re still with her. How you can look at her knowing all that you say to me? Knowing that the love I feel for you has never gone anywhere? Do you still love me too? Why can’t you see that this is taking everything out of me, all of this waiting?
I hope that by the end of this, in the 4 weeks that I have left here, you decide where you want to be. But just know that I will be waiting for you. I gave you up once, and I won’t make that mistake again.