I don’t love you. However, I often find myself thinking of you still. Sometimes I even let myself wish to see you again. I don’t know why. It makes me angry at myself and frustrated and ashamed. Why? Because, at the risk of sounding cliché, I’m better off without you. I deserve more than what you ever had to offer me. I deserve to be treated like a true woman – one that has valid dreams, plans, and actions. Excuse my French, but in the two years we dated, you treated me as if I were nothing but a piece of ass that you could treat however you wanted. You manipulated me – at first. And then I let you continue to manipulate me under the pretense that I was beating you at your own game. I wasted so much time on you and I did everything in my power to help you become a better person. While it is true that you helped me see where I was going with my life, you did little to help me realize that it was within my power to change it (instead you perpetuated the feelings that the world is constantly against people – mostly you) – that I learned from those who really care about me, those who really love me. Because, despite your insistence that you did, I don’t believe you ever loved me at all. Your childish attitudes and inconsistent behaviors, your countless lies, your secretiveness about your personal time, the messages I found from someone who “likes you for more than your -ick,” and the remnants of a wild night that we didn’t have all let me to the conclusion that I believe I knew all along.
You’re nothing but a user and a cheat. You’re inability to focus on anyone but yourself and your constant complaining about the good jobs you’ve had (where all of the supervisors were apparently out to get you), the home that your mother lets you stay in free of charge, the friends who consistently have your back (but apparently are all useless lowlifes), the education that you did little to gain (because, according to you, all the people who go to community college are “idiots”), and the family that accepted you and wanted to help you grow as a person (who were apparently judgmental and excluded you) because their daughter loved you does little to perpetuate your claims that you are “a grown ass man” who can make his own choices. Not only that, but the only thing that your behavior, your attitudes, and your complaining shows is that you are a petulant man-boy who still has a lot of growing up to do.
P.S. You claim that you’re sorry you broke my heart. You didn’t break my heart, you clod, I cut off communication with you because breaking up with you has proven nearly impossible. I laugh at the idea that you think you had the power to break my heart. Because the only power you have is the power to make my phone light up with a message – I’m the one who controls my emotions and my reactions. Not you.
I really hope learn that life is truly a gift that we need to open and enjoy because the way you’re living your life right now is leading you down a path of destruction and pain. I don’t love you, but I do still care about you – because you’re a human being and we all need to help each other out.