Dear beloved familiar stranger,
The last weeks showed me many things and I’m still learning to feel how I made you feel. Inarticulate I am, I know. It’s nothing that comes easy, because I’m not used to it. I’m crying a lot. Every day a bit more, as it seems. You were right with many things and I’m slowly getting aware of what you want me to feel. You were right, my heart was damaged before. In hardened up. I have a clue why that is, but it is really painful to admit – even to myself. Be angry with me, punish me, be mad at me, everything helps. If you knew me better and the people that I’m surrounded by, you might better understand why I am the way I am. You might not think of me and them the way you do.
I want you, I want to be with you. You and no one else. If you want that too, please tell me for real. What we both have is nothing ordinary, nothing that can ever be replaced. I appreciate you. I worship you. I love you. I love you so much that it makes me cry. I can’t stop. I can’t stop. I just can’t stop. It was there for too long and I don’t want to let you go. Though I know that you want me to. I know, that I need to let you do, what’s best for you. I will, don’t be scared, I will.
The ghost who wants to accept and wants to be there for you and everyone who makes you happy.