I have been dating a non-religious man for a little of 3 years. I say he is non-religious because he’s not an atheist – he’s not a big headed, close minded know it all. However, since dating him I have watched myself step further and further away from the traditional Christian I was raised to be. It’s not his fault, it’s obviously my choice and actions. It’s just hard to be so in love with religion when the man you’re so in love with is so in love with anything but.
I find myself questioning bits and pieces of what being a Christian is suppose to mean. We are taught to be loving, comforting, forgiving, accepting, etc. However, in the 20 some odd years I’ve been alive, I have met far and few of these Christians. I have met judgmental, close-minded followers.
If there is anything the bible has taught me, it is not that it is a tool, or a gift to help guide me to heaven – but that it is a weapon, twisted and contorted into what people WANT it to be. Every single person on this earth has a mind of their own, they are more than capable of interpreting. However, being that our minds are our own, we are not always capable of interpreting things the same way.
I realize there are beautiful, encouraging and accepting Christians out there, don’t get me wrong. But I am so disappointed in this world, and society, that I can’t imagine bearing children in it. Christianity is so drastic that I fear my children will grow up in fear of who they are, in fear because of others judgement.
Christianity is so anti-progressive that I can’t bear to be apart of it anymore. I want to believe that God is this loving, merciful god. I want to believe that if he is truly the maker of all, he loves and cherishes every soul he makes. That he can make no mistakes. I want to believe that God grows on with his creations and evolves and adapts to the changes that he so-called makes. Does that make sense, or am I talking to myself? I feel so alone with these thoughts.