You called me strong once. Yes I am. I had to be to have stuck around this long.
Our past is dark for me. It’s difficult to recall any joy I once felt when this past year replays in my mind.
Long ago we had the excuse of immaturity and outside forces. But I can’t find any for feeling like this now.
You used to wonder why I was closed off long ago. I realized it was because even though we were younger, I knew the way I was treated was wrong. I was addicted to the highs of you putting me on a pedestal. But what always dropped me down to earth was avoidable conflict instigated and then turned on me as an excuse. An excuse to not be responsible. To do dark things. To not fulfill promises. And I was dumb. I had a love conquers all mentality and you would manipulate me. Every time I stayed while inherently knowing I was being manipulated, let you know it was okay to take me for granted. And I let you do it again this past year.
I knew you weren’t good for me then and you most certainly aren’t now. I don’t know why I tried so hard to believe otherwise. Faith and trust in you and us I guess. How silly and ironic huh?
One thing I do know is that I was good to you; good for you. But none of that matters anymore, and frankly, I don’t think it ever did…to you.
I loved you. I was there. You trusted me. I stood by you always.
I was enough and my feelings matter.
Thank you for the valuable lessons which led me to realizing my self worth.
Thank you for walking away from me all those times. Thank you for not reciprocating the love I gave; the love I wanted.
Good luck and best wishes. I hope you will feel joy soon and get to keep it. I mean that.