They say love is a choice. Not so sure I agree. If it were, and for all the effort I’ve gone through to get over you, you should not be in my head.
I was walking to my front door and had a mini breakdown. The words “Used to” kept running through my head over and over like a mantra I’m willing myself to accept, to learn, to beat into my own head.
You used to be here. You used to be in love with me. You used to be my best friend. You used to try. You used to listen. You used to want me. You used to be able to talk to me. You used to.
Even you saying we were in this thing together not so long ago can’t make me believe it was true.
It was never just a thing, a friendship, a situation. We used to be a couple in love dammit. We used to.
It’s gone. It’s over. It’s done.
I hate that it was you. I hate that you could get to me like nobody else. I hate that I actually feel things with you I can’t get with anybody else.
God knows I’ve tried. Every day I try. I push and I run and do everything I know how to get better and be healthy. I keep busy with positive things. I make plans. I try to improve myself. I try I try I try. For seconds, minutes, hours, weeks, months and years.
Why won’t you go away if all I’m left with is “used to’s”?