When I wake up I miss you because that’s when you used to think of me and text. I still am looking for it at the exact same time each morning for a few moments waiting, in vain, for some small word from you. Knowing it won’t come, but doing my diligence to check just in case.
I’ve missed you at the sea, I’ve missed you from other states, I’ve missed you when I was drunk, when I was asleep, and when I was working. I’ve missed you when I have been happy. I’ve missed you when I am where I belong for the rest of my life, with my family.
You absolutely do not deserve this energy. I clearly see what a fool it makes me. Mercifully you do not know because I gained the resolve and dignity to never contact you. Oh god, how I hope you don’t “feel” it.
It has been two months since the last time you reappeared after constantly leaving me behind. I knew it was no good for me, but I went to you, to be used up heart and mind. Knowing you’d break every empty promise. Knowing as you held my hand begging to be a part of my heart and my life again you really only wanted to get inside of my pants instead.
And still, I miss you. I miss you as I type these words. I know that if the patterns prove themselves again you should be coming back soon. Do you need to confirm that I am dead? Are you coming back to run me over again? I will stay down for heaven’s sake. Well, until you pop by. Then I will open up one eye from this cold hard ground just to catch a glimpse of your green eyes. Just for one last time. But I’m not getting up. I promised myself I will stay dead this time. I have to stay dead this time. Please help me stay dead this time.